The most hip way to stick it to the (mass produced) man (and now! a journal to document my adventures in writing)
Ernest Hemingway:
Friday, June 30, 2006
i'm gonna have more fun than you...
The foot is healed enough to wear flip flops, so that's all that matters. I'm finally done with the formal part of this surgery - as of yesterday - no more doctor visits, or anything. The scabs are all gone, and the cuts are well on their way to healing fully. I'm able to walk like normal, with the exception that my big toe doesn't bend fully, so that limits me a little bit. Looking back six weeks later, I'm completely happy with my decision to go ahead with the surgery. Yes, there were a few bad weeks, but other than that, it's been a breeze. I'm able to wear my first pair of mary jane shoes that actually look a little dressy. They're sneakers, but nice ones. So now I can wear skirts again. There's nothing like having to wear pantsuits when it's hot. It sucks! Suits should be banned in the summertime. They get all sweaty and gross, and you can't really wash them, and dry cleaning doesn't always clean them fully. Grooooosssssss.
Anyway, have a happy fourth, all. Don't put your eye out with a firecracker. Not good.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
the little things
Dictionary.com defines this word as:
ir·re·gard·less ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-gärdls)adv. Nonstandard
Regardless.
[Probably blend of irrespective, and regardless.]
Usage Note: Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so.
Ha. A 'blunder'. Blunder is a great word that is used far too infrequently. I especially like that people seem to want to use this word to sound smart. But they're not smart. They're just making a blunder. I should tell people that it's not a word at all when they say it, but I won't. It's just too funny. They think they're so darn smart...
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
i'm an old lady
There have also been a few funny incidents. One gal came to my desk to drop off something for one of my bosses, looked around, and said, 'Is it your birthday?' Duh! What a dumbass. Then another girl came by and said, 'It's your birthday! Are you excited?' She obviously doesn't know me very well. First, I'm not the most excitable person. Anyone who knows me knows that. It's not that I don't get excited, it's just that I don't show it well. Second, it was 8:45 am. When I do get excited, as a rule, I don't get excited before 11, at the earliest.
Then she asked me how old I was. Odd, right? I don't have an issue with my age (the last stretch of my 20s...the very last). I don't feel any older than 21, at the most. I'm basically a big kid. But still. I think it's kind of weird to ask anyone obviously over 25 how old they are. Right? Or am I way off? Especially if you aren't particularily good friends - just coworkers, coexisting day to day in the same general area.
I kind of hate birthdays at work anyway. I try to take that day off usually, but what with my surgeries and the lake next week (yay!), I couldn't afford to this year. Bummer. So now I have to deal with everyone saying happy birthday, asking what I've gotten, or what I'm doing that night. I guess it's a nice break from all of the foot talk, though. All I hear lately is 'How's your foot doing?' or 'Looks like you're walking better!' I don't mind talking about it with my friends, but with people I don't know that well, it's just stupid. Give it a rest. Yes, that's what happens when someone has surgery, or injures herself - it gets better. Shocking!
Okay, enough ranting. Time to be happy. I've got the new Head Automatica album playing, and it makes me happy. And I'm being treated to lunch at California Pizza Kitchen. Yum. Hopefully I'll get to celebrate with a martini tonight.
PS - Pickle - The martini glass is neat-o. Feel free to get me those anytime!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
15 1/2 times better?
My question is this: what exactly are our congressmen doing for $165,200/year, or $79.42/hour? I don't see much. I see a lot of arguing and time wasting. Let's see: they're discussing whether to make flag burning illegal, and amend the Constitution to specify this. They're also trying to amend the Constitution to ban gay marriage. Oh, and they're still trying to figure out what to do with our illegal immigrants.
Alright, they're probably working on a few other things too. I'm not saying they don't work at all. I'm just wondering if they do $79.42/hour worth of work. That's almost 15 1/2 minimum wage workers. I don't for one minute think they do 15 1/2 times the amount of work a minimum wage worker does. Do you?
Monday, June 26, 2006
five years = wood
Q planned a big surprise for me on Saturday night. I had a few theories, but really didn't know where we were going until he slipped on Saturday morning. We were in our back yard picking arugula from the garden, and then took it inside to air-seal in plastic bags. We already have two big bags full (which is more arugula than two people can eat), so Q mentioned that maybe we should take a bag to CB and V's house. CB and V are two of our very bestest friends, and they currently reside in lovely Columbia, MO. I didn't catch on right away (not the brightest), but he said 'Damn!', so I got it then.
We headed to their house in the early afternoon with Chay in tow (she loves the car, and her friends CB and V). We got there and chatted for a while, and looked at all of their gorgeous landscaping (it makes our house look like a pit). Then we ate at Murry's, one of my favorite restaurants in the world. They make this great appetizer (one of many) - green pepper rings fried, then topped with powdered sugar. It sounds weird, but they're incredible.
Then we said goodbye to CB and V for the night. Q and I drove downtown, and he parked near Broadway and 9th. I still had no idea what we were doing. We walked up 9th, towards the Blue Note. I figured we were probably going there, but didn't know who we were seeing. We walked past a coffee shop and Q pointed someone out on the bench, and there sat my favorite serial-killer-wannabe:
*Shudder*. That guy is just plain creepy. Q asked me if I recognized him, and I did, but I'm horribly bad with faces, so I couldn't remember from where. He laughed.
We approached the box office, and I looked at the poster on the door, and saw it was for Hank III and the Assjacks. Yay! Not only did we get to see the Blue Note after all of these years (by the way, V says it's for sale for 18 million...seems high, but who knows???), but we got to see one of my favorite performers. We had a blast. And I thought the crowd was pretty entertaining in St. Louis, but it was way off the charts in Columbia. Columbia is known for having the weirdest mix of people as it is, but this show really reeled them in. There were punk rock kids, good ol' country boys, older folks, a couple in their wedding gear (they had been married that day), and everything in between. And those good ol' country folks get really riled up, that's for sure. As usual, it was funny to see the reaction of the people there for the country set when he started playing with Assjack (crazy hard music with screaming vocals). The place really clears out.
Then we went to Dewey's Pizza on Sunday with my family for a little celebration dinner. The pizza was awesome, and I love seeing the kiddos. They're a trip. And I got lots of neat-o presents, and Dewey's gave me a pint glass, which was nice, but we're overflowing with pint glasses. It's Q's newest addiction. Beer does somehow taste better out of a pint glass, though.
So, our anniversary celebration was unusual, but a blast. And it's only going to get better when we head down to Bull Shoals with CB and V this weekend and into the next week. Lots of drinking, relaxing, boating, and tanning. If only this workweek would end...now. Oh well.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
the failed experiment
First, we're executing innocent people. There are more and more cases of this coming out every day, due to DNA and other improved testing systems. I don't expect our legal system to be perfect. That's impossible. I personally believe it's FAR from that, but that's neither here nor there. My point is that if a system involving life and death isn't perfect, it can't be used. Executing an innocent person is inexcusable, and shouldn't ever happen, not even to make sure we execute the bad ones. Oh yeah, and did you know that some states still execute the mentally handicapped? It's sickening.
Second, the system is overflowing with minorities and the poor. It takes good money to defend yourself. And when the system is gunning for you, and you can't afford anything more than the counsel that is provided, you're probably fucked. Take OJ and Michael Jackson. If you can pay the price tag, no matter what you do, you can probably get off. I'm not saying they're guilty. Only that we'll never know.
Third, this method of prevention doesn't seem to be working. People don't care if they get the death penalty or not. There aren't people running around on the streets with guns shooting others who would refrain from shooting if they only thought about the consequences of the death penalty. This way of thinking - that there aren't any consequences - seems to be running rampant in this country anyway.
Fourth, we're only one of four countries (not industrialized countries, mind you - this includes third world) that still imposes the death penalty. The other three are...China, Iran, and Saudi Arabia. Shit, we're ten seconds away from invading Iran, and imposing our ways upon them because we're so superior, yet in many ways we're just as barbaric. Interesting.
As Anna says, 'Americans still live in one of the few countries that kill people to make clear what a terrible thing killing people is.' It's so backwards. We wonder why our kids are so bad, so irresponsible. But it's not such a mystery. You can't teach your kids to be polite, then let them see you being rude. You can't teach your kids to be good sports, then act like an asshole when you lose. It's the same principle here. Why should they ever believe anything they're told? If our government can't be a good example of how our kids should live their lives, why should they ever be good?
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
cute ball players
We sat four rows from the field, right near first base, and the tickets were $8. We could actually tell if the players were cute or not (well, Cootie and I could, the boys were more interested in the t-shirt/promotions girls camped out next to us). Some were cute. Some had cute butts. And a lot grabbed themselves. I guess those uniforms aren't so comfortable on the man parts in the ungodly heat.
The food was reasonable (not awesome, but that's okay), the t-shirts and merch were cheap (we all got jerseys for $10), parking is free, and they had O'Fallon beer on tap. If you live in St. Louis, and haven't tried O'Fallon's beer, you're missing out. You can find it at most grocery stores, and in some restaurants. It's hard to imagine a beer company nowadays could compete with Bud or Schlafly, but they seem to be getting bigger and bigger, and are making quite a name for themselves. I guess that just goes to show that the consumer wants something that tastes better than Bud products. Pee almost tastes better than Bud products. I don't actually know that; I'm just guessing here. Plus Bud is evil - their Bud Sports League stole the kickball rules from the SKA league (the one I play in) and copyrighted them. Shrewd, yes. Fair and nice, no. Especially when Bud can afford to have someone draft their own set of rules (it's pretty similar to baseball; they once owned the Cardinals), while SKA is nonprofit. Bastards.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
to the man of my dreams
So Q, here's to you! The first thirty years have made you the most wonderful and handsome man in the world. I can't even imagine what the next thirty will do. I'm the luckiest gal in the world though, that's for sure. Everyone make sure and tip back a couple for this amazing guy.
Monday, June 19, 2006
VIP for a day
We started to figure it out once we were close to the river on Highway 40. We stopped here
and filed off the busses to the exclusive behind-home-plate-season-ticket-holders entrance, then went into the Cardinals Club. This is the restaurant/bar that is only available to these certain ticket holders (and I'm sure a few other VIPs) who pay $14K per ticket. Ouch.
We got to order drinks (yes, at 10:30 in the morning), then split into groups of three for a short tour of the stadium. We got to go on the field, and see the dugouts, as well as the press area. Pretty cool. Then we got to eat at the Club. The food was good, but the bathrooms were most impressive. They were all tile, with classical music playing in the background. There was a basket full of sunscreen, mints, hairspray, body spray, band aids, you name it, it was in there. It's nice to see how the other half lives - or not so nice, maybe. It makes the bathrooms in the rest of the stadium look like crap.
Then we filed back into the busses and drove to the middle of nowhere in Illinois - to the Tri City Speedway. It's a big old dirt track. I've never heard of it before, and neither had anyone else I told about this day. Anyway, we piled onto the bleachers (beer in hand) and the owner announced that he leased these
for three years - a BMW convertible and a Hummer H3. They're going to draw names, and each month a different person will get to drive one of the cars. Pretty cool. There's around 80 of us, I'd guess, so chances are good everyone will get to drive one. We were there for a short 20 minutes (thankfully, it was a toasty 90 degrees that day) then piled back on the busses for our last stop.
I had it figured out when we got close to Lafayette Square, as the owner had said we were going somewhere for dessert. We stopped in front of
and got out. Everyone packed onto the back porch for unlimited drinks of any kind and dessert. It was a blast. I'd never been here (we'd tried, but the wait was an hour - no thanks), and the martinis were okay - not as good as I'd expected. But the desserts were pretty darn good. Free drinks + heat make for an interesting day, that's for sure.
I was pretty impressed with the day. We had been guessing for a month or so about where we'd be going, and I'm pretty sure no one even came close to this. If I ever complain about my company again, just slap me across the head.
Then we went to my in-laws house to celebrate Father's Day on Saturday. I remembered why I so don't want to live in the country (aka the boonies, farmtown, middle of nowhere, the sticks). The bugs. Man, it's awful. There's no keeping them out of your house, no matter how solid it is. I went into the bedroom to go to bed, and almost walked face first into a spider web as wide as the room with a big old spider attached. I promptly freaked out, then ran to get Q so he could get rid of it. His bro-in-law had been in that room all evening, too, playing video games, and definitely would have ran into this had it been there. That fucker build the web quick.
And Q swears he had a cricket crawling on his neck in the middle of the night. NASTY. There are daddy long legs in the corners, and moths on the ceiling. You just have to get used to it. No amount of insecticide will get rid of everything. It's impossible. Q remembers finding scorpions in his room, as well as snakes. And there have been snakes in the garage too. Even if the weather is so much nicer (way less humidity), and the breeze is sweeter, and the stars are brighter, there's no way I could live there during the summer. Never.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
the squid and the whale
happy day
Now Q and I have to hustle to get a new tire (or the flat one fixed) for my car. Last week we got a flat on 170 South, right before it ended. Q had to hustle to pull the car onto the right shoulder (with me leaning out of the window frantically waving and screaming at the cars in the other lane to let us over). It was right before the exit ramp onto 40, so there wasn't much room. He had to straddle the guardrail in order to get the tire changed, but he did it in record time. Less than ten minutes. Thankfully he was there, because I would have ruined my pretty white pants changing that tire. I would have done it, though. I can so change a tire. Grrrr. As it was, though, I had to be the lookout for straying cars. It was freaking scary watching the cars zip by. There were a few that did swerve close to our car, which freaked me out, but we came out okay in the end. Q's my hero.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
swingin' chihuahuas
I just feel sorry for the puppy. Come on, people. You can also file this one under 'reasons not to get dogs from breeders'. You just don't know what you're getting, and what abuse these poor things have suffered.
How disgusting is it that this woman hit the breeder with a dead puppy? Then swung the dead puppy out of her sunroof as she drove away, screaming threats? Forget the sex offender list. There should be a list for these freaks. She should be banned from owning a pet EVER.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
happy day of the devil!
6. Ann Coulter
Isn’t it cute how her new book is titled “Godless”? And her publisher is calling the release date a coincidence. Sure, that’s true. Every inflammatory thing conservative writer Ann Coulter says is true, you know. If it weren’t, why would she say it? If she names her book “Godless” and says it’s her message, then everyone who doesn’t swallow her nonsense as gospel must be godless, just like she says.
In my rich fantasy life I envision her being kidnapped and taken on tour with Deicide, where they make her work the T-shirt and sticker table. And I could go for the easy joke here and call her the Antichrist — I won’t be the only left-wing American citizen doing that — but it would be as tired as using Satan’s name to sell books that reduce political discourse to name-calling and, um, demonizing the people who disagree. I will say, though, that there’s a space for her on the BFF list now that David Lee Roth’s been evicted.
The Deicide part is priceless. I'd love to see her reaction to their music. Did anyone happen to catch her on the Today Show this morning? It was ridiculous. Even Matt Lauer was frustrated, and I think shocked at her insane opinions and dumb book. Is she anorexic, by the way? She's WAY too skinny and gross. I didn't know much about her, but the minute her interview was over, wondered how she even got to be on the Today show. I guess because of controversy. Because nothing she said made a shred of sense, or had any merit whatsoever. I guess I can just lump her into a category with Pat Robertson. That seems about right.
Anyway, I went looking for information about her, and found these priceless quotations. Enjoy!
'The ethic of conservation is the explicit abnegation of man's dominion over the Earth. The lower species are here for our use. God said so: Go forth, be fruitful, multiply, and rape the planet — it's yours. That's our job: drilling, mining and stripping. Sweaters are the anti-Biblical view. Big gas-guzzling cars with phones and CD players and wet bars — that's the Biblical view.'
'I have to say I'm all for public flogging. One type of criminal that a public humiliation might work particularly well with are the juvenile delinquents, a lot of whom consider it a badge of honor to be sent to juvenile detention. And it might not be such a cool thing in the 'hood to be flogged publicly.' — MSNBC March 22, 1997
'It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 — except Goldwater in '64 — the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted.'
'Liberals hate America, they hate flag-wavers, they hate abortion opponents, they hate all religions except Islam, post 9/11. Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now.' — (from Slander, pp. 5–6; published June 2002)
'The Times was rushing to assure its readers that 'prominent Islamic scholars and theologians in the West say unequivocally that nothing in Islam countenances the Sept. 11 actions.' (That's if you set aside Muhammad's many specific instructions to kill nonbelievers whenever possible).' — How to Talk to a Liberal, 2004.
'In the history of the nation, there has never been a political party so ridiculous as today's Democrats. It's as if all the brain-damaged people in America got together and formed a voting bloc.' — Jan 12, 2006
'One [cartoon] showed Muhammad turning away suicide bombers from the gates of heaven, saying 'Stop, stop — we ran out of virgins!' — which I believe was a commentary on Muslims' predilection for violence. Another was a cartoon of Muhammad with horns, which I believe was a commentary on Muslims' predilection for violence. The third showed Muhammad with a turban in the shape of a bomb, which I believe was an expression of post-industrial ennui in a secular — oops, no, wait: It was more of a commentary on Muslims' predilection for violence ... Muslims are the only people who make feminists seem laid-back.' — February 8, 2006
'Perhaps we could put aside our national, ongoing, post-9/11 Muslim butt-kissing contest and get on with the business at hand: Bombing Syria back to the stone age and then permanently disarming Iran.' — February 15, 2006
'I'd build a wall. In fact, I'd hire illegal immigrants to build the wall. And throw out the illegals who are here. [...] It's cheap labor.' — April 14, 2006
Wow, she's stupid. Who possibly takes her seriously? Rape the planet? Come on. Methinks the Republicans need to reel her back in to the dungeon and pray she doesn't get too much media attention.
Monday, June 05, 2006
horses and hounds
Then we went over to Fairmount Park to bet on the horses. I don't know much about horse racing, so I wasn't sure how I felt about going, but I went anyway. Now that I've read a little more about it, I'm sure I won't go again. There isn't as much information about it as there is on greyhound racing (which is so very bad), but it's still out there. Of course the well-known horses are treated very well, but the ones at the local tracks most likely aren't treated that great. They're overraced, and doped up on painkillers. And those are just the horses that make it to the tracks - I'm sure thousands are killed in the process because they're no good for racing, just like the hounds.
The crowd at the races was totally entertaining. We saw many a good mullet, and many a bare midriff that should have not been bared whatsoever. There was an inside section too, where plenty of hardcore gamblers were betting on tracks across the country. That was depressing. There's always that underlying bit of depression with any gambling, I guess. We did have fun though. Good company, great weather, and cheap beer.
We also went to the Rescued Racers picnic in St. Ann. It's the tenth anniversary of the organization. They've placed over 800 rescued hounds with families. Pretty cool. It's the third one we've attended with Chay, and I'm always amazed at how many hounds you can pack into a small space without incident. We heard one or two barks, and one or two growls, but that's it. And the growls came from dogs who were interrupted while trying to sleep. It makes sense, though. They're used to living in close quarters on the track. I love looking at all of the different colors and sizes. It's so funny that there's so many colors and brindles (striped patterns), yet we always see at least one other dog that looks exactly like Chay. I mean exactly - like if we were to turn them loose together, it'd take some close inspection to figure out which one is Chay.
These dogs are the most incredible, good-natured, sweet things on the planet. And knowing where they came from (the farms/tracks) makes them even more amazing. I think they're the most beautiful dogs, even with their injuries, as most have either some sort of badly healed broken bone or cuts. Fox 2 News showed up, and I was so glad. I love it when greyhounds get attention. I can only hope that brings more people to the organization willing to take on these wonderful animals. A woman from the Greyhound Protection League had a booth, and handed out all sorts of literature about the horrors of racing. She also had pics from hound farms and of racing crashes. Completely awful. I decided I need at least one more hound. Q is hesitant, but I think maybe he could be swayed. Chay, on the other hand, might not like it so much. She's so spoiled as it is.
During the horseraces I noticed that an ambulance follows the horses on the track. I'm guessing this is in case one gets injured. It's great that they do this, but I found it very depressing, as on many greyhound tracks (not that I know from first hand experience, mind you) there isn't even a veterinarian present at the track at all. Hounds often are injured by the mechanical lure, and left to die for hours before a vet even arrives to do anything about it. I tried not to think about this at the track, or to think about how odd it seems to sit there and make money on animals. Or to understand that most of the horrors of racing are covered up because the local government gets a percentage of the profit, so they don't regulate like they should. Anything for a buck.
Friday, June 02, 2006
america is FAT
It's rare that I eat everything on my plate when I go out to eat. It's not because I don't want to, I do. I love food. But come on. There's no way I need to eat all of that. Plus, I have leftovers to eat the next day. Yum!
I just don't get this society, this country nowadays. We want everything with no consequences. We're like a bunch of little kids. I want this, I want that, and I'll get it no matter what. Then, when we get fat, or we get hurt, we blame others instead of ourselves. I guess there are some medical conditions that lead to obesity, I don't really know. But I'd be willing to guess that the number one cause of obesity is...overeating. That's right folks, you heard it here.
I have a really easy solution. If you don't want to get fat, don't eat nasty, calorie-and-fat-laden food. Wow! How revolutionary.
If we start letting the government and its agencies tell us what to do, we're headed for trouble, folks. America is about freedom. If I want to scarf a thousand calorie burger and wash it down with five hundred calories of fries and three hundred calories of soda, I should be damn well able to do that. I am responsible for myself, and I won't allow the government to regulate what I can and can't do (within reason, of course). Unfortunately, they've already crept into this realm, what with regulating marriage, sex, and all sorts of other things. This is a dangerous, slippery slope.
I am incredibly thankful for the freedoms I have left here in America. But with freedom comes responsibility. We should have the freedom to eat whatever we want. But we also have to be responsible for ourselves if we eat ourselves to four hundred pounds. It's not McDonalds fault (though I do despise McDonalds), and it's not Outback Steakhouse's fault. Own up, folks. If we don't start owning up, we face the possibility that the government will do it for us. Frightening.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
frankenstein foot
The incisions are big and very gross. He cut a lot more than I thought he would, but it'll all heal and won't be visible. I've never had stitches before - so seeing them was odd. I thought it'd hurt more to take them out, but she just cut them at the top and pulled.
My mom and niece took me since I still can't drive. My niece is 5. I told her on Monday she could come in and see the stitches with me, thinking she'd never want to do that, but she actually did. She was very intrigued, and wanted to watch the nurse take out the stitches. She said my foot looked like a monster's foot - a foot that wants to be pretty. She's hilarious. And such a smartypants! I never would have done that at her age.
The bad news is that I still can't drive for another two weeks, so poor Q is left being the chauffeur. And I have to get a ride to our golf tournament at work (WAY up north in IL) with a really annoying girl. That sucks. No one I work with lives very close, so I can't pick and choose. Bummer. I am grateful for the ride though, I guess. I'd be more grateful if I actually wanted to go to the tournament, but I don't at all. I hate that stuff.