all of the sudden i like lists

Ten Things I Love About My Monkey Girl

1. Her feet.
2. The way she squeals at the TV when it's off.
3. How her face totally lights up when she sees me.
4. Her face when she smiles at her Daddy.
5. Her big, brown eyes that are just like mine.
6. When she takes a break from eating, looks right into my eyes and smiles then goes in for more.
7. Her unbelievably sweet face when she's sleeping.
8. Her fat, roly-poly thighs.
9. When she takes a break from playing to look at me and make sure I'm watching her.
10. The way she smiles at her blue octopus friend.

Okay, so I could go on and on, but am stopping myself. It amazes me every day how I can love someone so much. Just when I think I couldn't possibly love her more, I do. She's the best, even when she's screaming. Man, that girl has a set of lungs.

8 annoying things about facebook

1. People who befriend everyone and their brother so they can have a big friend count. Even if it means befriending someone you haven't spoken to in years without so much as a 'hey, how the eff are you?'
2. People who spend so much time doing stupid crap that it floods your news feed.
3. People who can't use the status line correctly. For example, 'Bob is I hate people.' You can delete the 'is' and manipulate your language to make it work. Not that difficult.
4. People who join every cause in the book and ask you to join too.
5. People who hand out things like flair, beer, and presents.
6. When I get random emails from Facebook telling me so-and-so has commented on my status, sent me a message, etc., but I don't have any friends by that name.
7. People who answer questions directed to you just because they know the answer and they're online 24/7.
8. People who post status updates that can't possibly be true. For example, 'Bob is cooking dinner right now.' No you're not, you're on the computer. Try 'Bob is taking a break from cooking dinner.'

I just realized almost all of these are actually about people, and not about Facebook. Me? Annoyed with people? I cannot imagine such a thing.

You'd think being so annoyed with Facebook would keep me away, yet I find myself back their at least daily. I'm so nosy.

dilemma

So as I previously posted, I've become somewhat of a Starbuck's regular at the location near my office. It went to a whole new level yesterday though. The girl behind the counter remembered my name (which is another story all together - why do they need to know my name in the first place?).

This bothers me in and of itself because I'm not exactly the type of person to become a regular anywhere. First because I don't frequent the same places too much - it gets boring. Second because I'm more of a private person, and this doesn't correspond well to being a regular. But I could deal with it. I like their coffee dammit.

The real reason it bothers me though is I absolutely CANNOT STAND the girl who called me by name. And she is always there in the mornings. I can't stand even the sight of her face, it sickens me. First, she's a complete bitch to her co-workers. She's very condescending, with an air of being better than everyone else. Which is totally undeserved, as she works the same job as them and isn't even that cute. Well, she might be cute except she expends no energy whatsoever to even making sure her hair has touched a brush.

And she acts all nice and stuff towards the customers (like remembering my name) but I can tell it's just an act. Almost too nice...as if she has to work extra hard to cover up the fact that she's puking on the inside from disgust over having to communicate with the likes of us. It makes me ill.

So I'm thinking I may not frequent this Starbuck's anymore. Which would be a good thing I guess, since I don't really need to spend the money, and there's not really another location that is convenient. I think the combination of my already not-so-happy morning self and the urge to want to punch her in the face might get out of control one of these days, which would obviously be bad. Very bad.

It sucks though. Maybe she'll quit.

ugh

Today I walked by my work friend making copies and I said 'makin' copies' a la Rob Schneider on SNL in the early 90s. She smiled. When I got upstairs I realized she probably had no idea what I was talking about since she was like 7 or 8 at the time this skit was on. D'oh. I'm so effing old.

randomness

• Oh my god, Michael Jackson is 50. Shit. That's crazy.


• Random, impersonal gifts are so silly. Really. I appreciate the time and effort, but I'd rather you took the money used and gave it to someone who needs it.


• Sometimes something as simple as a face makes my stomach turn. Especially when it's the face of the biggest douchebag in the company. I can't help it. Rein in the douchebaggery a hair, would ya?


• I saw a guy sitting alone at a bar (I was buying a gift card) having a beer last Saturday afternoon while I was running like mad to finish up Christmas shopping. I was insanely jealous.


• Babies aren't always fussy because they're hungry. They're fussy for lots of reasons. Just because I have a fussy baby (imagine that) doesn't mean she's not getting enough to eat.


• I really like those iridescent blue Christmas lights. They're dull yet blinding at the same time.


• I miss my best friend and so wish she lived here.


• I have no self control when it comes to sweets. So far today (it's 9:30 am) I've eaten a cookie, a piece of candy, and a rice crispy treat (in addition to my morning cup of oatmeal). And there's no sign of it stopping.


• A little bit of snow or ice every day is stupid. Just dump it out on us and get it over with. Snow my ass in the house. Because anything less is just a hassle.


• I made fun of my sister for getting a new cell phone with a keyboard just so she could text easier. Now I want one.


• My daughter is the cutest kid in the whole world. Just so you know.

• I keep getting the music from my kid's toys stuck in my head. It's not good.

Okay, that's all for today. Merry Xmas --

• Oh wait, that reminds me - why Xmas? That doesn't make sense. What does 'X' stand for? A cross? Merry Cross-mas? That doesn't work either. Please enlighten me.

-- (or whatever you celebrate) to all!

'c' is for cookie...

I love my co-worker. She brought in homemade chocolate chip cookie dough (and believe me she makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the world) and baked it at work, and just brought me a warm cookie fresh from the oven. Ah, pure bliss.

mornings suck

Most days I hate leaving my little Beezer and going to work. It's easier because she's with my parents all day and they're great with her, but it's still hard. Especially now that she's getting to be so much fun - giggly, very vocal, playing with toys. It's hard to believe how much she changes week to week, sometimes even day to day.

That said, it's mornings like this one that make it a little easier. The Beezer decided to wake up at 5:40 while I was getting ready (we usually leave at 6). Hubby had to entertain her (more like keep her from screaming) until I was ready to go, and of course, by this time she's starving, and you'd think we hadn't fed her for weeks. Girl wants what she wants when she wants it, that's for sure. So normally if she's a bit fussy she's out the minute we get in the car and get going. Not this morning. She cried the whole way to my parents' (a 20 minute drive). And it was rainy and gross, not fun on a busy interstate.

Of course she fell asleep the minute we turned on to their street. Just my luck. Once she eats she's fine - giggly, smiley, her old self. I guess she's just not a morning person. She's my child after all.

oh my

These people have way too much time on their hands. And money, for that matter. Wake me when Christmas is over, please.

one year ago

Exactly a year ago yesterday (November 30) I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I took it even though I knew already that I was pregnant, but after a few false alarms I didn't think Hubby would believe me without proof. Okay so I used to have too much time on my hands at work and my imagination works overtime.

After a year full of ups and downs our little Beezer is here and will be four months old on Wednesday. Oh, how time flies. I kept a journal during my pregnancy so I'd remember every bit of it (since most likely it won't be happening again unless Hubby and I go off the deep end) and read some of it today (like I mentioned above way too much time on my hands at work) to try and remember what it was like to feel her moving inside of me. It's amazing, and kind of sad, that even though it was only a few short months ago it's hard to remember what it felt like.

Every time I look at my sweet (and oh so fiery) little Beezer I'm thankful she's here with us. After almost losing her halfway through each day with her is very special. Sometimes I think about missing out on a 'normal' pregnancy and feel sad that I didn't get to live every day without fear and anxiety and the timing of contractions, but then I see her big old slobbery gummy smile and everything is forgotten.

I have the coolest kid in the world, even if she is headstrong and is partial to 'squawking' and upsetting her cousin. I do feel however that she may be my just dues for being such a difficult teenager, we shall see. She's going to be fun and full of surprises, that's for sure.

observations on the current state of affairs

I was putting my latest gas purchase in my checkbook today and just for kicks looked back in June to see how much it cost me to fill up then. $52. Today? $19. Wow. It's been a long time.

Isn't that great? Being able to fill up for less than $20? Sure is. Up until I look at my 401(k) and see a total reversal of fate - it's worth about half what it was worth in June. Well that's kind of a lie, it's only down 30% in the last 3 months, 40% over the last year. I feel I've fared OK through all of this poopoo, I know most haven't. And thank goodness I don't have to retire anytime soon, I can sit back and buy into these funds at rock-bottom prices and will be able to see everything come back. It will come back. Who knows when, but it will.

It's interesting how things work. One turn of good fortune cannot be enjoyed quite as much because you're getting kicked in the ass somewhere else.

eek!

There is a mouse currently residing somewhere in my kitchen. Hubby saw it a while ago and told me about it, and I determined that he was crazy because weeks went by without so much as a peep from the critter. He even thought he was crazy and imagined it.

No such luck. I was coming up from the basement and saw it scurry across the counter top (the very one we use for cooking! Ick!). It ran behind the TV we have in the corner (yes we are junkies) and disappeared. Then last night my lovely daughter woke up at 12:45 to eat and as I sat down with her on the couch I saw it make a u-turn at the threshold of the kitchen and the living room and beeline back into the kitchen *shudder*.

I woke hubby up and told him he was to go to the store after work and buy a trap. A humane one, of course, not a glue trap - he'll never make that mistake again. In college his roommate bought a glue trap and got the mouse - problem solved! Oh, until he realized it's feet are permanently stuck to the trap and it's alive and was faced with the decision of letting it gnaw its own feet off or killing it (which he did with a rock).

There hasn't been any confrontation between my greyhound and the mouse that I know about, and I'm hoping it stays this way. I do not want to come home to a bloody pulp in the guest bed (aka greyhound's bed) (aka her kitchen). I do not, however, worry much about this because 1. the mouse is small and fast and can hide and 2. my hound is getting old and extremely unmotivated unless cheese is involved.

We need to strategically place the trap however in a place unseen by the hound. I have visions of her finding the mouse in a trap 1. being bothered all day by it and 2. doing unsavory things to the trap in order to get at said mouse.

It took plenty of courage for me to go into the kitchen this morning to get my lunch ready and use the neti pot (cannot go a day without this miracle worker). I could see myself leaning over the sink with water (and snot) running out of my nose and being scared half to death by a mouse that I rationally know won't bother me and is more scared of me than I am of it but of which I am irrationally scared shitless.

Oh joy, the wonders of home ownership. Why can't I have a dog that will catch small animals and dispose of them properly instead of wounding them enough to put them out of commission and die a slow, painful death?

things you should never hear at work

'It makes your testicles shrink.'

breastfeeding is messy

When I signed up for breastfeeding (in my head anyway) no one told me it's not such a great idea to do it when you work in a dry-clean-only type of environment. I'm wearing a really cute heather gray pencil skirt and have managed to spill milk on it twice now. It's not cool having to walk around the office with big old wet spots on a heather grey skirt - I either look like my bladder control is non-existant or like a messy slob, or both. I suppose from now on I should wear lots of black (which is not a problem).

Do they make bibs for this purpose? They really should. Perhaps this is my calling, my cash cow - developer of the pumping bib. Look out Bill Gates, here I come! Or I could just go and get a kitchen apron and save the world from yet another useless product.

Seriously though, it takes an acrobat to hold one pump on while gently removing the other and simultaneously rushing in with a paper towel to clean up any drippings. It's a miracle I haven't lost it and spilled everything all over myself (my sister cannot say the same thing, poor girl - at least her pants weren't dry clean only).

no freaking way

A man named Milton Betts has had the hiccups for a year. A year! I'm a mess if I have them for more than a few minutes! Hiccups are the most irritating things in the whole world. I get super pissy whenever I get them (ask hubby - he finds it hilarious). I know I couldn't deal with them for a year. Poor, poor man. Seriously, I'm horrified at the thought. Ugh.

i.am.a.mother

That is so weird. The other day a girl at work called me 'mama' - as in 'What's going on, Mama?' Then yesterday someone asked me how motherhood is treating me. I guess it's sort of like saying 'my husband' after you're married - it takes a while for it to sink in and start sounding normal.

I suppose I've always been sort of a detached person. Things don't hit me the way they do others. Like when a friend was killed by a drunk driver - I didn't cry until weeks later, when something reminded me of him. A lot of things just seem surreal until some sort of reality sinks in.

Also like when I almost delivered the Beezer at 19 1/2 weeks when I was leaking fluid. I knew up until that point that I was pregnant, that I was going to be a mother, but it hadn't really sunk in until I was faced with losing her.

Maybe it'll seem more real when she starts calling me mama or mommy. Not that it matters if it seems real or not, it is. I have a little Beezer.

I am a mother.

sucked in by the man

I'm so addicted to Starbucks. I swear they put some sort of chemical in there that keeps me coming back. First it was the evil pumpkin spice latte...so delicious. Now it's the cafe misto with one sugar - regular coffee with steamed milk. Yum. So much better than the crap we have at my office:

Of course we have to be fancy and get a Keurig k-cup maker. In theory these are great - you can get tons of different varieties so everyone is happy. However, they severely lack in taste. It's kind of like drinking a cup of burnt rubber. Horrible.

I'd be perfectly happy with a freshly brewed pot of Folger's. Hell, I'd even enjoy the store brand beans - that's just fine. Instead I'm forced to drink total crap made only marginally better with a flavored creamer OR stop at Starbucks and drop $2.30 on a cup of coffee.

You see my dilemma? I don't have a ton of willpower when it comes to food/beverages anyway (note my lunch cooler stuffed with M&Ms, Lemonheads, 3 Musketeers, and Whoppers swiped from the bowl in the lunchroom), so resisting the urge to stop at Starbucks when I pass by one every day and there's only nasty coffee waiting for me at work is next to impossible.

Remember when I used to be one of those people who thought Starbucks was gross? Sure, their sugary lattes were drinkable, and who doesn't like a mocha, but the regular coffee? Nah. Not worth it.

Stupid Starbucks. Maybe the one on my route will be one of the stores that closes. Yeah right.

why I love living in SoCoMo

Friday night the hubby was outside fixating on his new truck when our alley neighbor drove through. First let me explain what I mean by 'alley neighbor'. We've lived in our house for over 5 years now. There's an alley next to our driveway. The alley is a way for people on another street to get to their garages. It's also the only way to get to one house. We're not sure how this works - the house isn't actually on a street. What is its address? I've never ventured back there, and for the longest time I thought the only thing back there was the one house - I never considered people would use the alley to access a garage.

There are people driving back there all the time. Mostly people in beat up hoosiermobiles sporting flowing mullets and smoking cigarettes. I always thought these people were going to visit the alley neighbors who surely were cooking up meth - why else would there be an ongoing stream of cars driving back there? They owners have always been pleasant towards us, I just assumed there were meth addicts. Whatever. Not my place to judge, right?

Once the weather got nice and a cute little Bosnian grocery opened up on the corner (it carries beer) odd folks started walking down the alley to the store to get beer and whatever else at all hours of the day. I'm talking a parade of freak show looking people - guys with limps, missing teeth, stringy hair, cut-off clothes - some with one or two oddities, some with many more. I don't understand fully what happens back there because I've never been - I envision a cave of some sort where unkempt folk squat and cook over an open fire. It makes no sense, it's just what happens in my head.

We've had interactions with the alley neighbors once or twice. One time he rang the doorbell at 3 am to tell us our dome light was on - thanks dude, I'd rather have a dead battery then to have the shit scared out of me in the middle of the night. But it's nice, I suppose.

Okay, back to Friday night. Alley neighbor stops his car as he's making his way back to talk to the hubby. Apparently one night he was 'shitty drunk' and decided he wanted some tomatoes from our garden, so he helped himself to a few. Hubby, amused and I think relieved, laughed it off and said he could take some any time he wanted.

Hearing hubby tell the story was of course hilarious, as he was able to do the hoosier drawl perfectly. I also found it hilarious that our 'shitty drunk' neighbor couldn't live without tomatoes of all things while drunk. White Castle, I get. Greasy pizza, awesome. But tomatoes? Not what I reach for when I have the drunken munchies. If he wants tomatoes that bad, have at it. As long as I don't come home to another boat motor on my back porch I'm good (that's a story for another time).

Only in SoCoMo, my friends.

i'm baaaaaaaaack!

Hello world! I'm back. I decided to return for a couple of reasons:

1. I'm back at work after having my wonderful daughter, the Beatle. Life got crazy there for a while what with my pregnancy issues, and being at home all day every day means a serious lack of motivation. And being at work means I need things to fill up a boring day.

2. Some crazy shit is happening in the world as well as in our little hoosier neighborhood. The other day we saw a sign advertising 'Shit - tsu' puppies - hilarious. Who wants shih-tzu puppies anyway, much less from a moron who can't spell the name of the dogs he's breeding.

3. A very kind reader left a comment on my last post, I'll reprint it here:

Nomad said:
http://nomadicjoe.blogspot.com/

Oh what a shame that you havent written more. I like your style, very natural and conversational. One of the problem with reading blogs is just about the time you start to understand the whole life condition the writer stops adding. And the problem writing blogs is that it is very much like having a conversation in the dark.. you dont know if anybody is out there. Well, please add updates more regularly, a person with talent has a responsibility! Take care and I'll be watching you.. (your blog actually)

What a kind fellow! I am a good writer, aren't I? That leads me to number 4...

4. My writing group is back together after our break up earlier this year and I need to get on the ball. This isn't exactly fiction, but it is output of some sort, which is better than nothing.

Prepare yourselves!

omg!

NKOTB was on the Today Show today! What a way to wake up on a dreary Friday morning. Wow, talk about taking me back to the good ol' days...of an obsessesd sixth grader, that is.

Contrary to the above picture, they're actually all very good looking guys. But I have to claim sweet justice - my favorite back in the day, Jonathan, a choice that brought me so much grief (I was all about picking the underdog, folks), is now the cutest, I do believe. Ha! I sure can pick 'em.

Apparently they're going to reunite for a performance on the show in May. I'm actually finding myself a little excited. I know I'm not the only one, judging from the screaming crowd on the Plaza. Then again, most of those kids can't possibly remember NKOTB in all of their glory, but that's okay. I'm just a kid at heart, right?

puzzler

We have a garage at work. It's small, but big enough to house all of our cars. It does suck to park way in back, which is all that's left if you get here late enough, because you have to walk a bit to get to the building. It's also on the ground floor, so you have to either take 2 flights of stairs up or use the elevator.

I normally park in the side lot which is a floor above the garage. It allows my car to warm in the sun (when it exists 'round these parts, that is), and also allows for a bit of a speedier get away in the afternoons.

What I don't get - why anyone would park in the uncovered side lot when they're forecasting 6-10 inches of snow during the work hours. I know forecasting the weather in St. Louis is essentially grasping straws, so we could end up with anywhere from an inch to a foot. But sheesh, the storm was ALL OVER the news yesterday and this morning. You'd have to not watch TV, listen to the radio, or use the internet to not have heard about it. And even then, it iced a bit last night, and was icing on the commute in.

I'm guessing those folk are just a glutton for punishment. Because even if it snows just a little they're going to have to brush it off, so any time saved by parking on the 1st floor as opposed to the ground floor will be negated.

It happens every time. I don't get it. One person in particular makes a practice of parking on the side lot during inclement weather and pulling up the wipers so they don't get stuck to the windshield. She obviously knows there's going to be scraping to do, but would rather do it than park in the garage.

I guess I've spent enough time in my life scraping my car and will do just about anything to avoid this.