dear steph...

As some of you may know, I lost one of my best friends from high school and college this past May. I think about her every day, and carry around a little bit of guilt over the whole thing, so I thought this blog would be a good place to unload some of my feelings. Mostly I want to remember the good times we shared (believe me, there were many), and hope that this ability to unload a little bit will help me get past the guilt. So here goes.

Dear Steph,

I went to your grave yesterday for the first time since your funeral. It's such a nice cemetery, if such a thing exists. It's nestled in the middle of some huge houses, and very nice neighborhoods. You'd be impressed. It's about a fifteen minute drive from my office, so I can get there and have a few minutes to spend with you. I'll go more often now that I've gotten past the first time. I actually had to have someone from the office show me to your grave. There are no headstones that stick up - everything is flat on the ground. You'd have laughed at me - before resigning to go to the office for help, I first looked around where I thought it was. Where it ended up being was only one or two rows from where I stopped looking.

I stopped at Walgreens first, because I wanted to get something for you for Christmas. I hate those cheesy grave flowers, so I decided to get you a roll of Shock Tarts, your favorite candy. Except I guess they don't make those anymore, so I got Shockers. I'm sure it's the same thing. I thought you'd get a kick out of this. I wonder if a roll of Shockers has ever been left on someone's grave. You might be the first.

Q and I were at Best Buy on Monday night when we saw a poster (or something, I can't remember exactly) for Mortal Combat. I made some comment about how that game sucks, and he mentioned that he thought I used to like it. I then remembered playing it with you all the time on Jim's Sega when we lived in Columbia, upstairs, on Wilson. We both sucked so bad. That's why it was fun. It's stupid to play against someone good. Then I remembered how you loved playing Tetris, and Hammertime's PacMan Tetris game. I always beat you, but you loved it anyway. We had to relish our time with the Sega, as Jim would commandeer it to play hockey all day. Blah.

Q and I were also at CiCi's Pizza recently, and as I was getting my pizza, 'Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard' came on the radio. I racked my brain to remember why it was so familiar. After a few minutes, I figured out that you had it on a mixed tape that we listened to all the time while driving in your prized Prelude. I remembered that you used to do the whistling part. I was always so impressed, as I've never been a good whistler. I decided I need to get that song on a CD somehow. So many memories behind it.