off to the lake

This afternoon we're off to our annual Fourth of July party at the cabin on Bull Shoals Lake. I've seriously been looking forward to this trip for months now. This year there are six of us going - the usual co-conspirators V & CB, and first-timers N8 & MT. My sis Cootie and her hubby might join us later on as we're going to be there through Sunday.

Doesn't it look amazing? It's the most gorgeous lake I've ever seen, which isn't saying much since I'm not a big lake fan. In fact I usually won't swim in a lake, but Bull Shoals is different. It's crystal clear, and clean, and refreshing. Not muddy at all.

So beginning tonight we'll be spending our days lounging on the lake, drinking beer, eating barbecue, and repeating. Delicious. And it'll be so great so share this with N8 & MT, who I'm sure will suffer 'lake addiction' once it's over just like the rest of us.

party like it's your birfday

Yesterday was my birthday. Yes, the big 3-0. No, I don't feel any different (does anyone on any birthday?). My sisters and brother-in-law decided to fork my yard in the shape of a big '30' with an exclamation point, which was funny when I saw it the next morning. The neighbor kid across the street told Q the forks looked like graves. They did.

It was a nice day. I went to lunch with friends from work, got some nice gifts (including a gift cert to one of my favorite places, Square One), and, best of all, got to spend the afternoon/evening at the hospital while my sister underwent an emergency appendectomy. Karma for the forks/graves, perhaps?

I did get to go to dinner at a yummy Mexican place near the hospital and got a good margarita while we waited for her in recovery. So that was nice. It was funny - after she went to her room and was all drugged up and cottonmouth, balancing a barf tray on her chest, she said she wanted to hear about my birthday. I told her she was looking at it! Really though, I'm just glad she's okay. Word of warning - when your stomach feels like it's going to explode, go to the ER. It might be about to do just that.

As my mother said last night - at least it'll be a birthday I won't forget.

six years and beer

On Saturday Q and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary in true 'us' style. Before eating dinner at Kobe Japanese Grill in Westport (a tradition as this is where we ate the night of our wedding, though it was Robata's then) we went to tour the O'Fallon Brewery.

O'Fallon is a small microbrewery in, you guessed it, O'Fallon, Missouri. It's actually a small pre-fab building buried in some industrial park off the highway. But when you walk in the first thing that hits you is the smell of brewing beer...possibly one of the best smells in the entire world. The tour is actually given by one of the co-owners, Fran. She and her husband own the brewery and call themselves co-owners - so cute.

Anyway, you actually get to see how the beer is made, though Q and I already know a lot about that from brewing our own. But it's cool to see how a small brewery does the same thing we do on a larger scale, but not as mammoth as Anheuser Busch. Plus we got to ask questions, taste the malt, see how they bottle, and sample each of their beers plus a few seasonal beers. Yum. I highly recommend the pumpkin beer when it's available in September. I don't usually like pumpkin beers, but this one is subtle. When the beer hits your tongue you taste a bit of pumpkin, then after you swallow you're left with cinnamon. Delicious. And we got to talk to one of the brewers who explained the process of making cask ale, and told us their cask ale is available at the Iron Barley, one of our favorite restaurants. I can't wait to try it.

It was a lot of fun. I highly recommend going there and doing the tour. The Anheuser tour is fun, of course, and it's cool to see some of the insides of a huge brewery, but this one is so neat because you have the opportunity to really see and understand how beer is made and actually talk to the people who make it.

the horror

WARNING - IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BABEL, DON'T READ THIS - SPOILERS!!!

Q and I watched Babel last night. I was excited to see it, especially after it won so many awards. I should know better by now. What a horribly depressing and sad movie. It was well acted, I suppose, and well done, but crap - talk about getting smacked in the face left and right with sad. There wasn't a moment where I wasn't wondering what horrible thing was going to happen next, or that I could even sit and relax and watch the movie - I was tense the entire time.

I just don't find that enjoyable anymore. I don't handle very well movies that deal with such tragedy. To watch the Mexican woman in such pain over not being able to see the kids, kids she's probably had more of a hand in raising than their own parents, was borderline unbearable. I almost got up and walked out (of my own living room) during the scene in the police station. Not so bad on it's own, I suppose, but after she was forced to leave that adorable boy in tears and his sister half dead under a tree in the desert, it was too much.

And the little boy being killed in the desert. Shit. That was awful. I kept waiting for the police to shoot the youngest one as he surrendered. The movie did end on a somewhat positive note, I suppose, for the Asian and American families, but even so. Life for them will never be the same.

I think I have such a hard time with movies like this because they're so real. I somehow internalize what's happening, and it literally makes me sick to my stomach to imagine that happening to me or my loved ones. It's just too painful to watch. I wonder afterwards, why did I sit there for well over 2 hours feeling tense and depressed? I do that for 9 at work every day for the love. That's enough for me.

I know there's probably some deeper meaning that I missed, some political spin, but to be honest, I don't care to think about it any more than I already have. If only all movies could be as great as Knocked Up - oh Judd Apatow, how you've spoiled my movie and TV watching experiences.

my dad

Sunday is Father's day. In the spirit of the times, I decided to write about a few of my favorite memories of my dad.

My dad was the sole bread winner in our family, which meant he worked a lot. So the times we shared with him were special. My mom dealt with us (my little sister and I) all day long, so pawning us off on Dad on his day off was a welcome change for her I'm sure. I remember Dad taking us (me and Cootie) to Wet Willy's, the coolest water slides of all time. The slides still exist (though are horribly run down) in Fenton, right at the intersection of 141 and 44, on that huge hill above the Steak 'n Shake. There were three slides (or two? I can't remember), and you went down them on a raft of some sort, and it was most fun to see how much weight you could pack on the raft to go as fast as possible. We'd go down, get out, run up the countless stairs, and repeat over and over until our little bodies couldn't take it anymore. We loved it.

Dad took us first to Naugles, the old taco joint (which I think has subsequently morphed into Del Taco, but I could be wrong), which seems now like a bad idea (tacos then waterslides?), but we loved it. Mom doesn't eat mexican, so for Cootie and I this was a special treat. Then we'd head down to the park, pay our money, and slide like banshees. We'd take turns going alone, or going with Dad, or just us girls. Cootie and I would go first, then wait excitedly at the bottom for Dad to fly out of the slide like a bullet into the pool below, always with a huge smile on his face. I remember Cootie and I being so excited about the prospect of spending the day with Dad. We always had fun.

Another favorite memory is waiting for Dad to come home from work. Cootie and I would hear the garage door open, and we'd take our usual places just behind the utility room (or junk room, as we called it) door and wait. Dad would close the garage door, come in through the heavy outside door, and we'd wait for him to emerge from the junk room then shout 'Surprise!' He acted surprised every time. Of course he knew we'd be there, but that didn't matter. His reaction kept us doing it time and time again. I remember so well the feel and smell of his trademark suits against my cheek whenever we hugged him afterwards.

My dad is a special guy, and I hope he has a great day on Sunday.

thoughts on plastic

This is a picture of a sea turtle nearly cut in half by plastic. His body has literally grown around it. This is what's happening with our plastic products nowadays - they're wreaking havoc in the sea, on land, and everywhere, and not just to animals, but to us as well.

This is from a great article called 'Plastic Ocean' in Best Life Magazine. Plastic never goes away. Every ounce we manufacture is here to stay. And recycling doesn't even help much since only 3%-5% of plastic is ever recycled, and it's actually much cheaper to make new than to recycle it, and everyone knows our big companies are out to make a buck and not to worry about how they might impact the world.

And there's no telling how it effects our food and our bodies. Studies have linked it to cancer (I know, like everything else, even delicious barbecue char) and even the obesity epidemic. Scary.

So read this article and think about it when you're out shopping. When you make your next purchase take it without a bag. Even more importantly, think about it at the grocery. Think about all the foods that come packaged in plastic, and about what alternatives might exist. Think about the environmental footprint you want to leave behind. Get your produce without the plastic bag. Opt for paper at the check out line. It's actually easy to find products packaged without plastic if you take an extra minute to look, and I think you'll find these products usually are of better quality and taste better. It's worth spending an extra quarter or so.

Also consider what you put into your trash can. Could it someday cause a world of pain and suffering to an animal? Take the time to cut your milk rings, or six-pack rings. One thoughtless toss into the can could change the life of an animal forever. Or in the case of the ocean, can produce more plastic than plankton for the fish to eat. If we're all a tiny bit more aware of how our actions can impact the entire world it'd make a ton of difference.

I'll leave you with this last picture, taken by Gregg Segal, a man who has dedicated his life to spreading the word about what we're doing to our oceans and animals. Our seabirds are eating things like lighters, tampon applicators, and bottle caps, and each and every one of us is partly to blame.

a very long year and a half

CNN apparently has changed their site to include a banner that says 'CNN ELECTION CENTER 2008' across the top. Are they seriously going to leave that up for a year and a half? That's ridiculous. Talk about extreme overkill. I'll probably have to change my homepage now. It'll annoy me too much.

Q and I went to the Tower Grove Farmers' Market on Saturday. We got some yummy bratwursts and pork steaks. They were more than we'd spend at the store (if we actually bought meat at the store), but it was well worth it. Not only are we getting good quality, hormone free meat, but it's raised by local farmers. A win-win situation. They had lots of other great things too, like cheese, lots of different lettuces, and even bison. Very cool. We're definitely going to go back. And the new grocery store, Local Harvest, opens up on Friday, so I can't wait to go.

We also made another batch of beer, this time an English brown ale. It'll be ready just in time for our annual trip to the lake over the fourth. It's bubbling away, which it did with the second batch but not so much with the first, so here's to hoping it turns out good. I'm sure it will. Now if July 3rd would just hurry up and get here, that'd be great. A whole 4 days at the lake, not including drive time. Fantastic.

a church i'm on board with

The Church of Stop Shopping. Nice.

working for the weekend

Being at work this week so far is difficult. We went camping with V & CB this weekend and after having such a great time it's even more difficult than usual. I find myself staring out the window, wishing I was lounging in the sun in a camp chair holding an ice cold beer. Or splashing around in a spring-fed creek. Or playing a game of ladder golf. Or discussing the creepy guy in a nearby site laying around by himself in his tent wearing jeans and a button-down shirt and waiting for him to kidnap (adultnap?) us while we sleep.

We went to the Paddy Creek campground in the Mark Twain National Forest - twenty or so miles from Licking, MO. It's very remote, without even running water or cell phone signals, which was great - we had a huge campsite to ourselves so we could be as loud as we wanted (overruling Q's paranoia). The weather was picture-perfect. Not a cloud in the sky for three days straight - the most amazing blue sky framed by huge trees. The night sky looked like a planetarium there were so many stars. Days spent relaxing, chilling with friends, drinking good beer, eating great food, nothing to worry about - I could get used to that.


The funniest part of the weekend (there were many - there always are when the four of us get together) was attempting to hike what we thought was the Paddy Creek Trail, a mile or so hike to a good swimming spot in the creek (as opposed to the concrete bridge - well not really a bridge but a spot where the creek flowed over the road). We got a little ways in and the trail ended at the creek, but definitely not what I would describe as a good swimming spot. So instead of taking the trail back we decided to wade the river back to the bridge. We had Chay with us. Chay's not afraid of getting wet (she'd already plopped herself down in the creek by this time to cool off), but wasn't especially happy about trudging through the water and kept trying to take off for dry land. But she kept going like a trooper. There were a few deeper sections that went to my waist that Chay wasn't able to navigate, so Q picked her up which was a feat unto itself - she does not like being picked up and hadn't ever let us do it. She put up with this twice, then put her foot down - no more. So Q had no choice but to lead her in and see if she would swim.

We've never seen her swim before, and weren't sure she could even do it. Greyhounds are so big and lanky. Some can swim, but some can't. Chay's been in the water, even up to her neck, but that's it. Her instincts took over and she swam like a pro. She made it to a part where she could stand, and stand she did, with her head held high. She totally knew she'd done something new, and was so very proud. Chay swimming is darned adorable with her pointy nose poking high out of the water. Such a cutie. We finally made it back to the bridge where we lounged around for a few hours like complete hoosiers. Letting our true colors shine through. Chay was toast the rest of the day after her little ordeal. I'm curious to see whether she'll try it again this summer at the lake.

Another interesting moment was waking up the first morning and not finding Chay's metal food bowl that I'd put a secure lid on the night before. After asking everyone if they'd put it away, we determined it'd been stolen by an animal. Yum. And animals getting into the trash cans across the way. Can't blame 'em for wanting a tasty treat, I suppose. As long as I'm not the tasty treat I'm good with it. Have at it.

I've got to find some way to live in an amazing, secluded place without a job - at least not a corporate job. Anyone? Ideas? I'm feeling an odd need to reconnect with nature and give up most of my worldly belongings including but not limited to pantyhose and heels. Early mid life crisis perhaps?

blink an eye and they fly II

It seems the frequency of my posting correlates directly with my workload here at the good ol' 9-5. Or 8-5. Whatever happened to 9-5, anyway? Dolly? Seriously, I think I've had maybe five substantial things to do this entire week. Come on. I like the internets as much as the next person, and am constantly amazed by the fantastic content out there like this site (good for at least a daily cackle), there's only so much aimless surfing one can do.

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of the death of my friend, Shorty. Do you call it that? An anniversary? I guess, even though it seems kind of weird. To me 'anniversary' evokes good feelings. How about death day? Like 'yesterday was Shorty's death day?' I suppose there's no good way to say it. It's awkward no matter what.

Kind of like figuring out what to get to put on her grave. Flowers? They seem so cheesy, and Shorty wasn't a flower kind of girl. Plus the crappy Snoocks I went to didn't have a great selection. The cheapest ones were over $6. Somehow spending that on something that will sit and die on Shorty's grave didn't seem right to my frugal (that's one way to say it) self. So I opted for a small potted plant. It had reddish leaves and big red blooms. Not flowers, more like a cone shaped thingy. A botanist I am not. This one set me back $2. Much better. And it'll probably last a lot longer than flowers.

The awkwardness followed me again to the cemetery. This time I found her grave without much trouble, unlike the past few times (once I had to get someone from the cemetery to help me - seriously awkward. Apparently I'd made a mental note the last time that it sat under a small tree, and there it was. It was just like last time. The little dog was still there, looking a bit worse for the wear. Stuffed animals + outside elements = not a great combo. There were some fake flowers in the little vase on her headstone, and a bunch of red roses that had been there for some time. They were one step away from being reclaimed by the earth.

It was a beautiful day. To push away the awkwardness, I set to work arranging her things on the headstone. I brushed off errant leaves and whatnot, and cleaned the grass sprayed by a mower off of the vase. I got a pen from my purse to write 'Miss you Shorty' on the flowerpot. I took a couple of pictures (morbid, yes, but the light and angle were perfect to capture her last name, the flowerpot, the vase with fake flowers, and the dog keeping guard beneath it). Then I ran out of things to do. What does one do at a cemetery? It's weird. I felt like a tool standing there, so I sat down for a while. The sun was nice. The day was very similar to her last death day (yes, that's better, feels more natural). I thought about what we used to do on these days back in college, and sent good thoughts out to her, wherever she is.

Then I got back in the car and listened to Terri Gross on NPR interview Alice Cooper. Great interview. He's quite a guy.

dilemma

I have to make a tough decision. There are two things going on next Wednesday night, and I have to decide which to do. Q and I have been invited to go to the Cardinals game, which is great, but it gets better. The tickets are in the second row behind home plate in the green seats, which means we get all the free food and drinks we want. And we don't have to pay for the tickets. So we'd get to see the Cards up close, get free food and drinks, and only have to pay to park. I've been in the second row from the field, but it was behind third base, so we were basically dodging fly balls all night. And actually saw (and heard) a woman get hit square in the face, which was scary.

On the other hand, though, Dimmu Borgir is playing at Pops that night. They're a black metal band from Norway. I like going to shows, but normally I wouldn't have a hard time picking a Cards game over a show, especially in these seats. But I hate to miss the opportunity to see this band. I'm sure they've got a great stage show, and this is the kind of music that sounds incredible live.

Tough decision, especially for someone who doesn't like making decisions. Sometimes life can be so difficult.

UPDATE: homebrew

Okay, so Q pointed out that maybe I was being a bit overdramatic (I can't imagine that) when I said our wheat was the best I'd ever tasted. I was thirsty and it was hot, okay? It did taste pretty darn good. And still does.

i am so-ore

We fared well in the kickball tournament this weekend. Saturday was the brackets for the bad teams, while the good teams got a bye until Sunday. We played in four games Saturday, making it all the way to the final game (the final two teams left standing went on to play on Sunday), then losing. Which was fine, actually. We were all so sore, there was no way we'd be able to play on Sunday. But it was a blast. Free beer and food, good company, amazing weather - can't beat that. The best moment was in our third game, which was 2-1 (the other team), right up until the final inning. With two outs, one of our guys kicked a bomb into the outfield, and they missed it. We ended up scoring three runs and beating them. It was quite a moment, one of those that only happens in movies.

The whole day was eerily similar to our tournament run a few years back. We ended up making it to the final game after barely beating out the team in the third game, then lost to the most annoying, obnoxious team in the world. It's actually kind of creepy.

That night we went to dinner with friends at Chuy's, then were too tired to go out afterwards. We're such geezers. But on our way home we were stopped at a light on Hampton behind a cop. I just knew he was going to flip on his lights and go through, and sure enough, that's exactly what he did, only to flip them off right after he got through the light. That is so irritating. Just as irritating as a cop, without his lights on, speeding. I was heading up Big Bend to work the other day and a cop was totally on my ass. I wasn't about to start speeding to accommodate him, so after a while, I got into the other lane (I was in the slow lane, mind you), and he zoomed past me, still without lights on.

How is this allowed to happen? It's not an unusual occurrence. I see cops speeding all the time. How are we expected to go the speed limit when they can't even do it? Whatever happened to leading by example? Our cops should go the speed limit, and that's it. There should be big repercussions if they don't. If they're off duty, not in a uniform and not in a marked car, then whatever. They can do whatever they want to do. Go a hundred miles per hour for all I care. But shit, when they're on duty, go the fucking speed limit. It's so irritating. Why not spark up a joint while you're at it? Might as well have a beer or two! Oh for the love.

baffling

Q and I watched two movies this weekend - The Departed and Half Nelson. I thought The Departed was just so-so, while Half Nelson was amazing (not to mention it stars the very attractive Ryan Gosling). It made me wonder, yet again, what the hell the Academy is thinking when it chooses the best picture of the year. This year The Departed was up against The Queen, Babel, Letters from Iwo Jima, and Little Miss Sunshine.

I've only actually seen The Departed and Little Miss Sunshine, but even Little Miss Sunshine was miles better than The Departed. Totally overrated. I thought the acting was mediocre at best, and the movie really dragged through the first half. Plus it felt like I'd seen the same move at least a few times in the past. How can the Academy pick a movie with mediocre acting? It's all rigged. I'm convinced. Titanic, anyone?

good news on the food front

The first piece of good news is the grocery store opening in the Tower Grove area on June 1 - Local Harvest Grocery. It's run by the same guy that runs the Tower Grove farmers' market. They're going to stock sustainably produced meat, veggies, grains, and goods from the St. Louis area, as well as some sustainably produced goods from outside the area. Very cool. I think this will be my new grocery store. Seriously, it's exactly what I've been waiting for - I love farmers' markets, but I'm limited to the weekends. This will be perfect.

Second, Wolfgang Puck is going to make a major change regarding the food he produces. 'In all of my restaurants, catering businesses, licensed foods and takeout establishments, I'm committed to using organic ingredients and humanely raised meats and fish.' This is exciting, because his packaged goods are available in most grocery stores, and this will mean I can eat his frozen pizzas and dinners with meat on them. It's just one more option for me. Normally I'm limited to eating frozen dinners (Lean Cuisine) without any meat at all. This will be nice. I should probably give up frozen dinners all together, and perhaps some day I will, but they're just so darn easy for lunch. And Lean Cuisine uses all natural ingredients, which is good.

I suppose I should explain my diet. I only eat meat if I know where it came from and how it was raised. This means there are only a handful of restaurants where I can order meat dishes, and am also extremely limited at the grocery stores. Luckily we're able to get our beef from a friend of Q's family (he raises a few cows a year), but when it comes to other meats, I'm basically limited to what I can get at the farmers' market from local farmers. I'm okay without eating meat all the time, I actually like eating like a vegetarian. But I love a good burger.

This began last spring when I saw a PETA video we'd gotten at an Alkaline Trio show. I don't totally agree with PETA's philosophy, but just seeing what happens to animals on factory farms was horrifying. Not only do I believe we have no right to treat another living thing like that, but I don't want the meat from a tortured, hormone-injected, antibiotic-fed, miserable animal as part of my diet. There's no way it's good for you. No matter how good a McDonald's burger may taste, it's not worth it. So my stance is health-driven just as much as animal rights-driven.

I plan to slowly adopt this philosophy in regards to cheese, but that's hard. Cheese is too good to give up, and it's hard to find cheese that comes from sustainably raised animals. Oberweis is an option, but there aren't any close by. And what we think of as 'vegan' cheese actually has a milk protein in it. Maybe it'll be easier once the new grocery opens up. And I switched to soy milk last year, and it's relatively easy to find eggs that are sustainably produced. I also try to limit the amount of foods I eat with artificial ingredients (flavorings, etc.), and try to stick to organic veggies and fruits, though 'organic' doesn't actually mean much in this country. At least it's a start.

So anyway, knowing there's going to be a grocery store that has my ethics at heart is great news for me. Help spread the word. And definitely go there when it opens up.

big relief

We tried our first batch of beer last night and...SUCCESS! It tasted wonderful. We first pulled the beer from the fridge where it had been since that morning, and checked for foam. That was our biggest worry - that it'd be flat somehow. But there it was, evident even through the bottle. And then the pour. There was a small amount of foam on the top, and plenty of bubbles. We were very excited. The anticipation built as we went for the first sip. Ahhhh. Very refreshing, and honestly, the best wheat I've ever had. I think that's a common thing for homebrews. They're just better than anything you can buy.

Instead of just mixing in sugar during the last stage of fermentation, we mixed in sugar and honey. It's extremely smooth with the light hints of honey. Awesome. I'll post a picture it after it was poured.

So now we're super excited to try the next batch, and move on from there. It's neat to know that a month's time spent aging something actually worked, and didn't go down the tubes. So now I get to go home tonight, mow the yard (which is out of control), and celebrate it's hewing with a cold, honey wheat beer. Yum.

maybe administrative professionals day isn't so dumb after all

One of my bosses gave me this for Administrative Professionals Day:





The other one gave me this:







Well, not really. He kind of sort of lent it to me. As you may remember, faithful reader, my company leased two vehicles last year, a H3 and some sort of BMW convertible. They draw names for them every month, so we'll all eventually get a chance to drive them. Nice. Anyway, my one boss got the Hummer this month, and he's going out of town for a week and a half, so he kindly let me drive it.


It's weird. I'm not really into gas guzzlers, so it's somewhat hypocritical, but it's really fun. It drives really smoothly, and has pick up like you wouldn't believe, though I'm constantly worried about taking out a mailbox or street sign. And it also has a bitchin' sound system.

Be on the lookout, St. Louis. I may be coming to a yard near you.

cankle, anyone?

Picture this. It's a gorgeous, sunny spring afternoon in St. Louis. Kickball teams are squaring off all over Tower Grove park. Bit Tipsy, reeling after a loss to the Toe Jams, goes head to head with Nemesis, a super competitive, good team. We're one or two beers in, starting to crisp from the sun, and ready to kick some ass.

I'm playing first base, as usual. Some jock with a ponytail from the other team kicks the ball my way. I mean the kind of twenty-something jock who lives Monday through Saturday to play kickball on Sunday. I get it, but not in enough time to get him out at the base. No big deal. But before I know it, he's rounding first and heading towards second. I'm flabbergasted to the point of having no idea what to do next. I finally snap to it and lob the ball towards second, but this fucker is fast. By the time the ball even gets to second base, he's sprinting towards third, and eventually takes home plate. I was stunned. A fucking home run on what should have been a single. Lots of teams play aggressively, including us, but this was way beyond that. This was a ballsy move.

It's an inning or two later and the guy is up to kick again. I'm playing well behind first, as the winds were ablowing and the guys on this team could get good distance. He kicks a beeliner directly towards me - I mean so dead on that I didn't even have to move to get it. It's a grounder, however, so I have to make the play at the bag. My brain assesed the situation with record speed, and I knew I could beat him to the bag. I took off - probably not unlike the Looney Toons road runner. I was gunning for him. No way this fucker was going to take first, much less round towards second.

I was there. I was going to beat him. It was in the bag. Until a small hole in the field bent my ankle in half, that is. I swear, it wasn't an inch from the base. It was so close that both teams thought this guy stepped on my foot. I calmly walked (or limped) off the field, forcing Cootie to play the field (her worst nightmare, even though she did really good). Oh my god, I was so pissed. Not because of my ankle, but because I couldn't get that shithead out. SO PISSED. And now my ankle looks like there's a tennis ball shoved inside it. Nice.

Hopefully I'll be recovered enough to play next week. Darn ankles. Darn horribly uneven field. Darn ponytail guy from Nemesis. He did apologize afterwards, which was nice, but unnecessary. He totally thought he stepped on my foot, and I had to convince him otherwise. Believe me, I'd have knowin if he stepped on my foot. That would have been a real nightmare.

it's beer season

Here's our first batch of beer. We bottled it on
Saturday, and it should be good to go in about 2 weeks - that is if we didn't mess it up. We'll find out soon enough, I guess. Very pretty - all the little soldiers lined up.

We also started our next batch that same day. It's a wheat again, but this time we boiled a few flavored tea bags in with the wort for a few minutes. I have to admit we stole this idea from someone else, so I can't take full credit. But it smelled really good. I'm excited to try it. I promise not to steal their name, however - Teat. Hilarious. This is an actual picture. So far so good - it's supposed to get a layer of foam, and the air lock is bubbling.


Let me tell you, there is no smell like the smell of boiling wort. It's amazing. Kind of like the smell as you drive by Anheuser Busch, but more concentrated. If I could figure out how to make an air freshener in this scent I'd do it in a minute. Yum.

no, no, you're most definitely not smarter than a fifth grader

I was lucky enough to overhear the most intelligent conversation ever today. And now you get to hear it too. Ready?

Office Peon 1: What is bigger than five eights?

Office Peon 2 (and I say this with the utmost of respect, as I am also an Office Peon): I thought a half was.

PAUSE

Office Peon 1: No, 5 is bigger than 4.

ANOTHER PAUSE

Office Peon 1: Yes, five eights is bigger than one half.

Wow, I bet our clients are glad these folks are here to support the advisors. Pure genuis.

one ugly mug

I have one question regarding Don Imus and this whole mess he's in. It's not about whether the comment was racist (in case you live in a hole in the earth, he called the girls from Rutgers 'nappy headed hos'), or whether he should have been suspended, or where talk radio is headed. It's not about Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, and if they're media whores and what right they have to deem who is considered a racist. It's not about how Don Imus has been on the radio doing the same damn thing for over thirty years, or why he should be fired over making comments about female basketball players when he's made comments about virtually everyone else. It's not about where lines should be drawn, or how we can make the country more respectful. It's this:

How can someone with a mug as ugly as his make comments about the looks of anyone else? Answer me that. Take a good, hard look. Hopefully you won't have nightmares.

our very own beer

Q and I have embarked on the strange but great adventure of brewing our own beer. That's how much we love it. Enough to spend the money on the equipment - it's not cheap.

The thing pictured here is called a carboy. No idea why. It's where the beer lives during fermentation. This isn't ours - I found it on the web - but it looks similiar, only ours is less fancy (without that crazy yellow thing and a much simpler air lock). But the beer looks similiar, except ours is only half full. We halved the recipe in case we mess it up. We're currently waiting for it to clear up and finish fermenting, then it has to age in the bottles for a couple of weeks. It's a wheat beer. We want to mess around with the next batch, maybe add some lemon or honey. Yum.

I'm ready to try it. It should be ready in time for our first camping outing of the year. Very exciting!

lovely day at the park

I got hit on at the park yesterday. By a high schooler.

It was hilarious. I was walking Chay (who was none too pleased at this point after walking for a while, all hot and panting and acting like she was on the verge of death), and he tried to act all cool, complimenting Chay and asking my name. I knew where this was going, but it was too funny to stop. He asked if he could walk along with us for a while. He said his name was 'Big N'. I must have repeated it in a somewhat incredulous tone (I'm usually not hit on at all, much less by boys named 'Big M- not really my style), so he backed down, and said his name was Morris. The he said he normally doesn't do things like this, to which I replied 'But here you're doing it', and he laughed, then asked me for my phone number.

I smiled, and politely told him I was married. He immediately looked at my hand. I cursed myself for leaving my ring at home (I'm a bit paranoid, since it was my grandmother's), and swore to him that I was indeed married.

I told Q, and he said I should have just told the kid how old I was, which was a way better idea. Why can't I think of these things? He'd probably laughed his ass off, hitting on a near-30-year-old. Or then again, maybe he likes the older ladies, and that approach wouldn't have worked at all. I'll have to remember it for next time. What am I saying, there probably won't be a next time. My body is slowly sliding into the land of wrinkles, dry skin, and cellulite. Hell, I rarely even get carded anymore. Sad.

best things about Ireland

1. The beer. They drink good beer over there. Dark, rich stouts, smooth lagers - no crappy Bud Lite. Q and I had a beer at the airport in Chicago on our way back, and the first thing we noticed was how sad the taps were. Bud Lite, Budweiser, Sam Adams of some sort or another - nothing remotely good. In Ireland, their taps are filled with greatness. Not only is the Guiness remarkably good (and found on every tap in the country, I'm sure), but their microbrews (Porterhouse and Messrs Maguire) are also exceptionally great.
2. The buildings. Everything in the cities is old. The pubs seem small from the outside, but then you go in, and it's three floors of rambling, sprawling rooms, all covered in dark wood and dim lighting. And they're always full - all three floors. And you can't smoke inside anywhere in Ireland, which is nice. They're very accommodating towards smokers though, and usually have a smoking deck. I don't mind that people smoke - not at all. But I also don't like smelling like an ashtray, especially when I'm on vacation and have limited clothing.
3. The food. Delicious. Seriously, we only had one mediocre meal, and that's only because it cost a shitload to eat there. If it'd been reasonably priced, we'd been raving about it. Or at least I would have been. We ate in small towns and big cities alike, and loved all of it. Irish beef is wonderful. I ate so much beef - I worked on the assumption that they treat their cows better than we do. Don't tell me if I'm wrong. I won't do the research unless I go back, which I very much hope to do in the future.
4. The scenery. Every way you turned was gorgeous, bright green, and ruins of some sort or another. It's amazing to me that you can just plop down a house right next to the ruins of some medieval castle. And some are literally being eaten by the earth. It's like nothing I've ever seen. I could not get enough of the castles/ruins.
5. The general feeling of patriotism. This is a patriotism we can't comprehend in the USA, though we tout being good patriots all the time. I suppose it's because they won their independence so recently, with some of the fighters alive to this day. Old, but alive. These people have seen struggle, they've seen death and horror, and if they haven't, their parents or grandparents surely have. They get it. They take such pride in everything they do. Pride over there takes precedence over greed, and to me that's incredibly refreshing. A pub will serve you a fantastic meal at a reasonable price because they take pride in doing so. They won't cut quality or quantity to save a euro or two. To me this is the most glaring difference between our two countries. We'll screw you left and right to make a dollar, and for the most part, we'll take it, though we know it's bad for us. We're fucking suckers. The feeling is so obvious over there. They don't need a magnetic support ribbon plastered on the back of every car.
6. I got to see the hometown of my father's family, Castleconnell, in county Limerick. It's a tiny little town, but gorgeous, of course.
7. We got to spend time with our good friends, N8 & MT, also our gracious hosts during our time in Dublin. I'm sure they have some other things to say about Ireland after living there for a year and a half and having time to see some of the bad side.

Okay, that's my wrap up of the trip. Pictures to follow. Q took something like 400, and it was mostly sunny the whole time, so there are some great ones.

off to the emerald isle

The time has finally come! We're off to Ireland tomorrow. I forgot, when planning this trip, how awful the week before can be. It'll all be better when I'm on the plane, but until then, there are just so many things to think about, things that can go wrong. Like one of our dog sitters backing out, and the kennel being completely booked. Stupid spring breakers. Thank goodness our other dog sitter can watch her for the whole time. She's a life saver.

Okay, I'll be sure to drink a pint o' Guinness for all of my two faithful readers, one of whom will be in Ireland with me, drinking a pint herself. Hopefully we won't crash our tiny rental car on the crazy roads while trying to drive on the left side. Bon voyage!

the joys of office life

I've worked in an office setting for a while now (much to my dismay), and I've run across all types of people. There's the guy who has to be making some sort of noise as he walks down the hall (clicking a pen, whistling, snapping), the woman who would pluck her nose hairs at her desk, the guy with a horribly annoying ringtone with the volume turned all the way up, the guy who says 'how we doing?', the woman who advertises when she has a cold sore (obviously not aware that it's HERPES), the guy who clips fingernails in his office, oh and don't forget the guy who swings a golf club in the hallway - sometimes real, sometimes an air club. I mean all types.

Lately though, there's been a new one roaming the office. It's the guy who likes to sing like a hair metal singer. He'll go to the mail room and suddenly sing out 'I wanna rock!' in a whiny voice. Or he'll be making copies and out comes 'I've got two tickets to paradise!'. Or sometimes he'll be getting coffee and it's 'Cum on feel the noise!' He's got quite the repertoire.

I probably wouldn't mind if the kid could sing. But he can't. Not even close. He sounds like I imagine a dying squirrel would sound. Or a dying cat. Some type of small, furry animal dying a horrible death. And he's the one kid in the office who looks the very least like a guy who'd sing hair metal songs. Don't get me wrong - none here looks like he'd sing hair metal songs. Well one used to have a very small faux hawk, but he got the boot weeks ago.

Now if we could just get one with a tic, or maybe Turret's. Then we'd be a well rounded group.

it's a metal kind of day

Today's one of those days when I need to crank up the Yahoo music player full blast on the metal station. One, it relaxes me. Two, it drowns out all of the inane chatter. Lovely. I'm surprised by the bands they play on the metal station - it's a great selection.

So how 'bout that snow? I swear, if you stayed in your house with the blinds drawn and watched Fox 2, you'd think we got feet of snow, not mere inches. All this talk about digging out and black ice is going to make me ill. Come on, people. Driving wasn't even that bad. Get a grip. We could be in parts of the northeast right now where over ten feet of snow has fallen in the last week. People are digging out there for real, if they can get out of their houses. We actually got out of work on Tuesday at 2. I'm not complaining, and believe me, I took full advantage and left at 2 on the nose, but it was wholly unnecessary.

I wish we could go back to the good old days when we'd get feet of snow. What happened? Somehow the Lou manages to squeeze itself between the big fronts and always miss out. Not only would the city totally shut down, but we'd gain some perspective on what it's like to exist during a major storm.

Blah - the news is still talking about this two days later. It's sickening. I actually miss hearing about Anna Nicole's unbelievably rich baby.

mmmmm...microbrews

Q and I went to dinner with my big sister Moo last Saturday night. We always have fun with Moo - we manage to talk and laugh well into the night. We met at Square One, a brewery in Lafayette Square. They've got a great selection, and all the beer is delicious. The food is good too. My favorite is the open faced portabella sandwich - it's awesome. Their single malt scotch ale is amazing.

Next we moved on to Bailey's Chocolate Bar. I tried to make reservations, but they don't take them, and they told me it'd probably be really busy at 9. It was around 9, but we decided to try anyway. Moo insanely gives up chocolate each year for lent, so she was hoping to get her fix before that time comes. We walked in, and were told it'd be 45 minutes to an hour wait. The front wasn't very crowded like it usually is, so we hemmed and hawed for a minute or two, trying to decide if it was worthwhile to wait. Ultimately we decided no, and were just about to push open the door when a woman came with menus and asked if we were ready to be seated. Hmmm. I asked if she was talking to us - she was looking right at us - and she said yes. So it was a very short 45 minutes to an hour.

We had yummy desserts, and yummy beverages. They have chocolate-themed beverages, but also surprisingly have a wide selection of unusual drinks - beers, wines, etc. Moo and I had a Unibroue cranberry wheat beer - amazing. I decided on that as opposed to a dessert wine made with moldy grapes that I had coincidentally learned about that afternoon on PBS called Noble One, but it was $9/glass, and I'm cheap, so I had to pass. Maybe next time.

As Q and I sat at the bar at Square One waiting for Moo drinking a frosty beverage (well Q's wasn't so frosty because his was a cask ale, served at room temperature), I decided I love beer. I mean I knew it already, but I really love beer. Not because it gets me drunk, but because the taste is amazing. When it's done right, that is. I prefer microbrews. There's something so rich, so drinkable about them. I despise Anheuser, and most large production beers. Ever since drinking more and more microbrews, I can't even bear to drink the other crap. It's intolerable. I guess that's true about a lot of things.

If you haven't been to Square One, go. It's a really neat place, and in my opinion, the best microbrewery in the area.

need a good car repair shop?

I had a great experience Tuesday night. My headlight has been out for weeks now, and though Q can usually fix these sort of things, he had a ton of trouble with it. Apparently my particular model of car is difficult. Shocking. I turned to the local tire/auto store, a few blocks away from our house. We'd been there a few times before and hadn't had a bad experience yet, which is hard to find in the big city. I called the shop and asked if someone there could put in the light if I brought my car up after work one day. He asked what kind of car it was, and I told him, and he chuckled. Seems they have trouble with that model also (much to Q's satisfaction). Sure, they'd do it, no problem.

I drove it up there and the familiar faces were working that night - a big old fat guy and the owner, who is always there, but was on his way out the door. There's something heartening about the owner of a shop actually working. The big man told me it'd be ten minutes or so until the mechanic could do it, that he was replacing a battery at the moment. No problem. I sat back to wait, watching Brian Williams on TV. Without warning the owner opened the door and stuck his hand out in my direction. I assumed he wanted the part, which I handed over. He did. He walked to my car and without saying a word changed out the bulb. The big guy went to check on him, and a few minutes later, walked in and said 'You're all done.' I asked how much I owed, and he smiled and said 'nothing'. I asked if he was sure, and he said he was. I thanked him twice then went outside to thank the owner, but he'd already driven off in his truck.

How great is that? How many places would do that? It's nice to have a place right around the corner that we can totally trust, especially a car place - that's hard to find in the city. That place, by the way, is Bayless Tire & Auto, on the corner of Morganford and Weber. Check them out if you live nearby.

That's my story for the week. Without that happening this week would be totally useless and crappy.

Éirinn go Brách!

It's official. Q and I are going to Ireland to visit the famed N8 & MT in March. We got the tickets last night, and for that price, there's no turning back now.

I expect to visit the Guinness Brewery at least once, being a huge fan/connoisseur of beer. This will fit perfectly with our pact to scout out each city we visit for the local brew houses. I got a travel book today, but we don't plan on making many permanent decisions until we get over there. Q and I function best when there are no firm plans and we're able to mosey about as we please. The best trip we've been on so far was a tour of the west coast starting in Seattle and ending in San Jose, CA. The only firm plans were getting to Seattle and coming home from San Jose. Everything in between was totally made up along the way. It was perfect. Lazy, relaxed, and open to any possibilities.

And since we'll have such great hosts/tour guides, they'll know all the fun places to go. Now, if I can magically make our passports appear at our house in time, everything will be set and ready. I hope the passport genies can make that happen or are willing to work with me for expedited service. Fingers crossed.

rainbows, puppy dogs, and ice cream

Q and I went to a birthday party on Saturday afternoon for our friend's one-year-old son's birthday party. I got to hold one of these on my lap all afternoon long. I guess the little guy was tired from all the commotion, because he layed motionless on my lap. A couple of times I even picked him up and moved him without his so much as making a sound. Too adorable! His little breath smelled just like puppy breath, which is so darn cute. And he was so very soft and warm.

Once his big brother came home he was a maniac, but up until then sweet as can be. If only I could carry around a puppy all day long. I'd never be in a bad mood.

Here's a picture of a greyhound puppy. Not only do I think they're the best looking dogs in the world, but the puppies are probably the cutest too. And greyhounds are incredibly soft and velvety - I can only imagine how soft the puppies are. I've never actually seen one, since greyhound puppies generally are either raced or slaughtered. So very sad.

advice to self at 15

Five priceless pieces of advice to my 15 year old self (copied from another blog):

1. Use your head when it comes to boys. They're bound to cause you a lot of grief; not heartbreak, but annoyance. Don't spend too much time with just one. On the flip side, it's best not to date boys who are friends, or belong to the same group or 'clique'. They'll always take each other's side and make you feel like the bad person. And though it may be funny at the time, and may get you some attention, never share personal letters with others, especially the boy's friends. Not a good idea. It's better to be friends with boys at this age. Relationships now really mean nothing in the long run.

2. Don't make fun of others, especially not to their face. Understand that everyone has their downfalls, including yourself. Don't use those things against them to make yourself feel better. Do your best to accept them for who they are, and always laugh WITH them, not AT them.

3. When a friend is in need, don't turn your back on her, even if you have no idea how to handle the situation. She needs you, not your advice; she has others for that. Be a friend. Don't say anything. Just sit with her, hug her, or let her cry on your shoulder. You never know how your support will affect a person over the course of her life. The most important thing to remember is being there for a friend is never a bad thing. Don't be scared of new situations. You'll never do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, or piss her off.

4. Don't be afraid to ask boys out. If you wait for them to ask you, you're limiting yourself to a certain selection of them, which isn't always a good thing. So what if they say no? It won't make you a nerd. If anything, they'll feel great that you asked in the first place, and you'll be that much cooler. In fact, don't be afraid of people in general. If you want to say something to someone, say it (within reason, of course). Talk to cheerleaders, burnouts, gay kids, jocks, athletes, punks, and nerds. They might have more in common with you than you think. You can never have enough friends in high school and college.

5. Don't go to college with a bunch of friends. It might be fun, but it's safe, and that will get you nowhere. You need to be forced to make friends, be forced to find yourself. Go somewhere far away, somewhere you'd never think to live. This might be your only chance to get out of Missouri for a little while. You'll have plenty of time to see your high school friends in St. Louis during holidays and breaks. And make it a smaller school. That way it won't be so easy to slip between the cracks.

It's crazy to think of what my life might be like now if I'd had this advice back then. I know it'd be totally different. I'd have still made plenty of mistakes, I'm sure.

cheap hoosiers at the movies

This weekend Q and I went to see Borat. Yes, we're a little late, but better late than never, no? Very true in the case of this movie. It was hilarious. Totally worth the rush hour price.

It was only showing in one theater, a theater close to us in South County. We thought we'd be the only ones there. We were so wrong. The little theater was almost full. We surmised it was probably because Sacha Baron Cohen just won Best Actor - Comedy/Musical at the Golden Globes. There were families, elderly folks, and even a young child - yes, a young child at a rated R picture.

I can't believe people would bring a young child to a rated R picture. A baby is one thing; annoying in a totally different way. But 6-8 year old kid? That kid doesn't need to see the things that happen/are said during this movie.

I'm not a parent, so I don't know what I would do, but I can make a big bet that I won't take a kid that age to a rated R movie. Is it just laziness? They can't/don't want to find a sitter, so they just bring him along? Maybe they didn't realize what the movie was about, which isn't so surprising. It amazes me how many people have never even heard of the movie. But bottom line, you shouldn't be taking a kid to a rated R movie, whether it's R for sex, drugs, gore, language, or whatever. It's totally irresponsible.

The family happened to be sitting right in front of us, which didn't stop us from laughing our asses off. I couldn't have stopped myself anyway - the movie was hysterical. During the part when Borat is looking for a car, and wants a car with a 'pussy magnet', and 'pussy' is repeated over and over, the couple looked a bit uncomfortable, and looked over at the kid. He obviously didn't get it, and therefore didn't find it very funny, but that didn't stop them from laughing. It was disgusting. Nothing better than a parent who knows he's doing something wrong, and does it anyway.

Only two people got up and left, and it was during the part when he's wrestling naked with his very overweight friend and running throughout a hotel. Hilarious. I guess that part pushed this elderly couple over the edge. I suppose that scene in particular offended them maybe because they don't like gay people, and though Borat and his friend aren't gay, some very gay things were suggested. Whatever. Who goes to see a movie without having the slightest clue what it's about?

The elderly man sitting in our row was particularily hilarious, especially during the part when Borat is talking about using gypsy tears to ward off AIDS. He loudly asked his wife 'For what? What does he use for AIDS?' They laughed the entire time. Too funny.

I decided Q and I are only seeing offensive movies in South County, during the day, after the movie has been out for a while. The audience is almost as entertaining as the film.

robert berry's 100 most annoying things of 2006

They're all hilarious, but here are a few of my favorites:

Fauxhawks
Mohawks for people that want to show that they're edgy, but still need an exit plan if it doesn't work out. Fauxhawks are the clip-on ties of the punk rock world.

Alcoholism
If we believe Mel Gibson and Mark Foley, we could eliminate the world's racism and sexual harassment by simply bringing back prohibition.

Ashlee Simpson
She spent a ton of cash on a nose job, while doing absolutely nothing about her deformed vocal chords.

Giant Size Belts
What's up with ladies wearing these freakishly large belts. If I want a woman that looks like a WWE wrestler, I'll date John Cena.

Steve Martin
Steve Martin's now making the movies Pauly Shore used to get stuck with. I eagerly await Oh Heavenly Dog 2 and Skid Marks of The Pink Panther.

James Blunt
His song "You're Beautiful" is an aural holocaust. His vocals remind me of that guy who's singing "I Gave My Love A Cherry" at the toga party in Animal House right before John Belushi smashes his guitar to bits.

Gwen Stefani
Followed up "Hollaback Girl" with a rap song featuring yodeling from The Sound of Music. Look for her to release a heartfelt ballad featuring samples of the dogs barking "Jingle Bells" next.

Paris Hilton Perfume
Save yourself some cash and just dab juice from a tuna can on your neck.

Tony Snow
Who would have thought it possible to find an even shiftier White House Press Secretary than Scott McClellan? At this rate, look for The Simpsons Kent Brockman to take over next year.

Mel Gibson
Mel responded to the bad hype from his drunken racist tirade by making a kickass action film, Apocalypto. If we're lucky, he'll make a drug addled rant about Mexicans next year and give us a Mad Max sequel to apologize. Say what you want about him, though, the guy takes a handsome mugshot!

Anna Nicole Smith's Son
This tacky attention whore couldn't wait until after his mother's new baby was born and her quickie wedding to her lawyer to die? No class!

George Bush
Thanks for wasting nearly a trillion dollars and thousands of lives so we can occupy a country we have no chance of stabilizing and we'll leave it in shambles once we finally pull out. Good thing we already declared victory years ago, so we can leave with our heads held high.

Spinach
Way to go, E-Coli! Get all over our healthiest food instead of scaring people away from bacon or cheeseburgers. Further evidence that God wants us to be fat!

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
You know, if you're going to be an evil leader, you should find some clothes more menacing than khaki Member's Only jackets from 1982.

The Transportation Safety Administration
Thanks for keeping the skies safe by keeping me from bringing fluids and gels on the plane. Looks like I'm stuck with Amtrak now, when I need to travel with my "Sam's Club Jumbo Vat O' Love Lube".

Ann Coulter
Claimed 9/11 widows enjoyed their husband's deaths in her book Godless: The Church of Liberalism. If you think that was a controversial title, it's at least more marketable than the publisher's original suggestion, "Attention Whore: Rants From An Irrelevant Cunt."

OJ Simpson and Judith Reagan
OJ pulled off the impossible by coming off as an even more worthless piece of shit with his book "If I Did It" which was thankfully yanked before hitting the book stores. And for Judith Reagan to even think of throwing millions at Simpson to publish the book in the first place is vomit-inducing. Though she's been fired, look for Regan to bring us classics like "Let's Pretend I Really Killed Laci", and Mark David Chapman's "I Was Aiming For Yoko."

meat shoot

For a while now I've been wondering what a 'meat shoot' is. We live by some sort of Veteran's Hall and they're always advertising them. I finally got around to searching the internets for this seemingly small-town-America tradition still surviving in the southern suburbs of St. Louis.

Apparently a 'meat shoot' is when a bunch of men (I know what you're thinking, you dirty bird) get together and aim their guns (get your mind out of the gutter, now) at targets and whoever shoots closest wins some frozen meat. I've read about some shooting at skeet-like targets, and some at regular bulls-eyes. I've also read about shoots for turkeys, sides of beef, deer, and all other types of meat.

My first thought is wow, could that be more inherently sexual? Even more so than football? Crazy.

My second thought is huh, do they really shoot for frozen meat? Why not cash? I get the idea of a bunch of men getting together for a few shooting games, drinking beer, fraternizing. Totally get that. But why not play for cash? Because it's more 'manly' to play for meat? Again so very inherently sexual. Interesting.

My third thought is to wonder where they do this. The little hall is smack in the middle of a residential neighborhood. No chance they're shooting their guns anywhere in the vicinity of the place. I thought maybe they rigged the game to work somehow indoors, but it'd have to be without real guns, and the sign specifically advertises what kind of gun is allowed - a 22? I know virtually nothing about guns, so this makes no sense to me. A google search of '22 gun' did bring back some results, so it must make some sort of sense.

My fourth thought (somewhat off topic) is to be very thankful for google. What would I do all day at work without it? I think it's become the new encyclopedia. That's actually frightening thought.

My fifth thought (can you tell these are occuring to me as we speak?) is to find someone with a gun (experienced, preferably) to sign up for a meat shoot. And if I can't do that, I'm going to show up just to watch. I'm totally fascinated. I have to see this thing in action.

top 10 bushisms of 2006

(CNN) -- A Web site that analyzes and catalogues language usage has issued its top Bushisms for 2006, with "I use the Google" and "I'm the decider" among them.

Language observers nominated the entries and then ranked them, aided by the Global Language Monitor's predictive-quantities indicator, an algorithm that tracks words and phrases in the print and electronic media and on the Internet.

Here they are:

1. "I'm the Decider." "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense." April 18, in response to a question from CNN's Ed Henry.

2. "I use The Google," in reference to the popular search engine. October 24th. Interview with Maria Bartiromo of CNBC.

3. "It was not always certain that the U.S. and America would have a close relationship." June 29.

4. "I've got an ek-a-lec-tic reading list." August 29 interview with NBC's Brian Williams.

5. "The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done." Nov. 24 (Greely, Colo.)

6. "Stay the course." On numerous occasions.

7. "When the final history is written on Iraq, it will look just like a comma." Sept. 24. Interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer.

8. "The Congress was right to renew the Terrorist Act." In reference to the Patriot Act. Sept. 7 (Washington)

9. "I want to be a war president; no president wants to be a war president." Oct. 26. (Des Moines)

10. "The fiscal year that ended on February the 30th." The government fiscal year ends Sept. 30; Oct. 11 (Washington)

"With fewer than twenty-four months remaining in the Bush presidency, word watchers worldwide are in a mad scramble to find a substitute for the near weekly faux pas presented by the president," said Paul JJ Payack, president of the Global Language Monitor, which is based in San Diego, California.

late night thoughts on religion

The following post is the result of not being able to sleep well this past weekend. I think it's best for the world that I do sleep well. There's no need for my brain to work on overtime.

Regardless (or even better, my favorite bullshit word, irregardless), it happened. This time was unusual - what my brain managed to create during the wee hours of the morning actually made sense the next day. This particular night I also came up with the new blog title. I guess you could call it a sort of Christmas miracle.

I tend to think a lot about religion while at the inlaws', which is where we were on the aforementioned night. My sleepless mind came up with this rationalization of how I feel about religion (Christianity, to be specific, since I know little about other religions - something I plan to work on). This conclusion appears after years of thought, reading, and learning more and more about it. Okay, deep breath. Here goes.

1. I believe Jesus existed. He was probably a normal, wonderful person who helped the downtrodden and brought happiness to many. Or maybe he was just a precursor to David Koresh, some fanatic guy running around spewing cultish ideas. Either way, he managed to have some sort of effect on humanity at the time. Do I think he walked on water, or turned water into wine, or was resurrected from the dead? Most likely not. If he claimed to do these things, he was probably a nut job. I prefer to think humanity had a way of embellishing the truth into what we read now as the Bible. More below.

2. I took a folklore class in college. I thought it bullshit at the time, as my advisor failed to tell me I had to take that as a requirement to graduate right before my last semester, therefore forcing me to take 18 hours. Lucikly I was going for an English degree, so it wasn't exactly brain surgery. I digress. This does relate to my thoughts on the Bible.

The Bible is entertaining reading. Do I think for one minute that we should take it as reality? No. A lot (or most? or all? I don't really know) of the new testament was written some time after Jesus died. Stories were passed down from generation to generation, and ultimately written. What happens when you line up a group of people, tell the first one a sentence or two, and pass it on from person to person? What are those sentences like once they reach the last person? Usually they're at least somewhat different than the original sentences, if not significantly different. With stories, these changes usually include embellishment as they travel from person to person. Why not? No one wants to tell a dull story. I feel that's what happened with the Bible. I think the basic elements are probably true. Jesus existed. He was a good man who fought for the little guy, and gave hope to many who were probably hopeless at the time. If he was killed, that probably helped make him more memorable. But when it comes down to the immaculate conception, and the things mentioned above, it's just too much. How can I be expected to believe these things?

Plus, there are passages written about Jesus that weren't included in the modern day Bible. I googled 'lost books of bible' and found this oh-so-inspiring passage from a religious website called Got Questions.org:

Question: "What are the lost books of the Bible?"

Answer: There are no "lost books of the Bible" or books that were taken out of the Bible. There are many legends and rumors of “lost books” but there is no truth whatsoever to these stories. Every book that God intended and inspired to be in the Bible is in the Bible. There are literally hundreds of religious books that were written in the same time period as the books of the Bible. Some of these books contain true accounts of things that genuinely occurred (1 Maccabees for example). Some of them contain good spiritual teaching (the wisdom of Solomon for example). However, these books are not inspired by God. If we read any of these books, the Apocrypha as an example, we have to treat them as fallible historical books, not as the inspired, inerrant Word of God (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

The gospel of Thomas, for example, was a book written in the 3rd or 4th century A.D. as a forgery, claiming to have been written by the Apostle Thomas. It was not written by Thomas. The early church fathers almost universally rejected the gospel of Thomas as being heretical. It contains many false and heretical things that Jesus supposedly said and did. None of it (or at best very little of it) is true. The Epistle of Barnabas was not written by the Biblical Barnabas, but by an imposter. The same can be said of the gospel of Philip, the apocalypse of Peter, the book of Enoch, etc. The Bible is the complete Word of God. Why would God allow a book that He inspired to not be included in the Bible for 2000+ years?

Interesting. Why indeed? I'd like to know how these early church fathers knew which gospels were 'inspired by God' and which were crap. What was the criteria? That's my point. There's no way to prove which are true and which aren't. I'd wager to say that what we know of Jesus' life is only a small percentage of what was written.

3. Now don't get your panties in a bunch. Most of what I've written doesn't actually matter when it comes to my conclusion, which is this: why can't we focus on Jesus being a good person, someone who helped the sick and poor, who cared for everyone no matter what, who inspired so many? Why do we have to focus on the so very strange things in the Bible? Does his life have to be spectacular and dazzling to be worthwhile?

I think he'd be so much more inspiring and attainable if he was a normal person who went out of his way to help and love others. I'd much rather my kids were inspired by that Jesus than the one who was immaculately conceived, turned water into wine, walked on water, was murdered, then rose from the dead (in no particular order). I almost think we've focused on these things for so long that we've lost the true meaning of living like Jesus and taking him into our hearts. Bottom line, I wish we'd spend more time focusing on his admirable human qualities and less on the Bible and the fantastic.

Moreover, I don't think I have to accept Jesus and religion to go to heaven, if such a place exists (I'm more inclined to believe in reincarnation, but that's really beside the point). Because if God turns us away because we weren't 'saved' or 'reborn' no matter what kind of person we were or how we lived our lives, I don't want to go there. If God won't let in a baby that hasn't been baptized then that's ridiculous, and anyone who believes that is missing the point entirely. I prefer to think God and Jesus would focus on us being good, caring people, doing our part to help others and our world, rather than on whether we went to church or read the Bible. The God and Jesus I'd choose to believe in would love everyone no matter what color, race, religion, sexual orientation, species, and so on (I could go on forever).

Wow, that was a scary brain spill. See? We're really in trouble if I start having problems sleeping. Here's a great link, by the way, to a blog entry about the history of Christmas and how it's been horribly overdone in our modern society.

a fresh start

Happy 2007. I'd be much happier if I weren't at work right now, but someone's got to pay the bills. Today has been particularly odd because a guy I went to high school with started at my company. In fact, we went to elementary, junior high, and senior high together. I had a big crush on him back in elementary school. Very weird. What's even weirder is that he doesn't look very different. Who knows how he remembers me. I was such a twerp in high school. Blah. No sense in bringing up the past.

You might notice a change on my site. No more Donnie Darko. That was getting so tired and boring. If you're curious, yes, I have seen a special someone throw up in an IKEA bag. The image was burned into my brain for all time. It wasn't deliberate, yet it seems to beg some higher meaning. I'll leave it at that. The words just aren't here right now. Too tired. Need caffeine.