oral hygenist from hell

I had to go to the dentist today for my bi-annual cleaning. I never look forward to this (does anyone?), but with my dental history, it's especially bad (thanks, mom & dad). For a while there, I had at least one cavity every time I went. It's been better, but I still get nervous. Nothing grosses me out like having a cavity filled. The taste of ground up tooth is horrible. Ack.

My family's dentist recently retired to care for his dying wife. I know, it's awful. He passed us all on to one of his students, who happens to be the team dentist for the Rams and the Blues. I would think that being the dentist for the Blues would be enough to keep you in business, but I guess this guy's a money whore. Anyway, my old dentist's oral hygenist (is that right? or is it dental hygenist?) was a nightmare. She picked and picked until your mouth was full of blood. I'm even good with pain, and this sucked.

So, I was looking forward (well, not really, but you know) to a new hygenist. My family said his are much nicer. They're liars! If the old one was a torturer, the new one is an executioner. I'm pretty sure she scraped the first layer of my teeth off. That can't be good. When she flossed, she sunk that sucker in so far I thought she'd knock my eyeballs out. Repeatedly. Then she asked me how often I floss. Lady, I floss every night. Shouldn't they know that? I'm not lying, either. I'll do anything to avoid cavities. Then she mentioned that I had braces. No shit. Doesn't everyone at some time? She followed that up by asking if I still wear a retainer. Shit, lady. How old do you think I am? I showed up in a suit. I said I was on my lunch hour. I'm sure my birthday is in the chart. No, I haven't worn a retainer for 10+ years. Sheesh.

The good news - no cavities! Unfortunately I had to go through torture to find that out. Why are teeth so damn stupid? I go through more pain expend more effort on my teeth than the rest of my body combined. That's insane. About halfway through the scraping I thought it must be easier to just pull them all and get dentures. No more flossing! Then I happened to glance over at my x-ray and saw my teeth and their humongous roots. Ouch. Guess I'll stick to brushing and flossing. Stupid teeth.